Forget Me Not
by Storywriter55
Summary: The Ellis-Caffrey family faces an unexpected crisis as Neal struggles to find his way back to his family. Part of the Milestones series. Disclaimer: I do not own these characters; just borrowing them for a while
1. Chapter 1

_The Ellis-Caffrey family faces an unexpected crisis as Neal struggles to find his way back to his family._

**Forget me not**

**Chapter 1**

4.11 years

It had been a mild winter in New York. Snow, followed by rain which melted snow banks only to have them covered by freezing rain that enveloped everything in a sheet of ice making walking and travel difficult and treacherous.

Hope's birthday was a few weeks away and that was a very big deal for a five-year-old. She now had school friends as well as her friends from the neighborhood and with a little insistent pleading, Sara and Neal had agreed to let her celebrate her birthday at City Treehouse, an indoor play space that held children's parties.

Neal was rushing around the house getting himself ready for his meeting at _Finch and Johns_, the insurance company with which he worked as a freelancer from time to time. They had been using his services more and more lately and had recently offered him a lucrative and exclusive contract as their art authenticator. Neal thought the time was right to commit to a more regular work schedule now that Hope was more self sufficient and he and Sara had decided that this new job fit in perfectly with their family's present lifestyle.

Sara was six months along in her second pregnancy and in a few weeks, she would be starting her maternity leave so the timing was perfect for Neal to be out of the house and contributing to the family's finances. He still got called in from time to time to work on cases at the White Collar unit but less frequently lately and he was feeling the need to fill his days in a productive way.

'Sara, where's my briefcase? I could have sworn I left it here in the family room' Neal was sounding flustered, a very unusual state for the ex-conman.

'I think Hope was playing office with it – check her room' she called from the bathroom as she finished getting ready for her workday at Sterling Bosch

'Hope!' Neal called from downstairs

'Yes' came the meek answer from Hope's bedroom. She knew she was busted.

'How many times do I have to tell you' Neal continued as he made his way to the bottom of the stairs 'if you're going to use my work things, you need to put them back where you got them!'

Hope appeared at the top of the stairs carrying said briefcase; she was wearing a skirt and blouse and she looked like a miniature business woman as she slowly plowed down the stairs pulling the giant briefcase behind her.

She placed it at Neal's feet and sensing her dad's unusual mood, she thought best to admit defeat.

'Sorry, Daddy' she said timidly

Neal let out a long sigh as he realized he might have spoken a bit too harshly and he ruffled Hope's hair as he picked up the briefcase to examine its contents.

'Did you touch any of the papers in here?' he asked as he looked everything over.

'No' came the answer 'Daddy, can I have a candy bar in my lunch?' she asked as she wandered over to get her lunch bag from the kitchen

'No, you may not' Neal responded 'Since when do you eat candy bars at lunch?'

'Rosalie always has candy bars in _her_ lunch' she answered, pouting

'Well, that's Rosalie not you. If Rosalie decides to jump off –' Neal stopped thinking that analogy was just too old fashioned to cut it. 'Every parent does what they think is best for their child and Mommy and I get to decide what's best for you until you're old enough to decide for yourself'

Sara smiled as she got within earshot of the conversation. Neal was the best father she could ever imagine and she thanked her lucky stars for the umpteenth time that he was the kind of loving and caring dad he was.

'Hope, bus, now' she said in her no-nonsense way of parenting. Neal was definitely the sensitive, touchy-feely one and although Sara had discovered a maternal side of herself she had no idea existed, she was still the more direct, abrupt parent of the two.

Hope pulled on her boots and coat and grabbed her backpack as Neal opened the door for her. He looked down at his daughter who was obviously still disappointed at not getting a green light on the candy bar and he crouched down to face her as he pulled gently on her nose – his shorthand for 'I love you'

'I know, you love me' she said 'but a candy bar would be nice every once in a while'

Sara kissed her head and Hope started down the driveway towards the bus that was waiting right in front of the house

'Careful! It's icy' called out Neal as Hope steadied herself so she wouldn't slip

'I'll pick you up at five' Neal continued as he and Sara waved goodbye to their daughter

Neal closed the door and looked over at his wife. 'I hate it when I lose my temper with her' he said, shrugging

'Neal, she's fine. She's five years old and she's got you wrapped around her little finger. You have to say no sometimes' Sara said, touching his cheek.

'And how is our little boy today?' asked Neal, smiling as he rubbed his hand over Sara's belly.

'He is very active' she answered, putting her hand on top of Neal's as the baby kicked.

'I noticed you were up in the night, you okay to go to work?' he asked as he put his arms around his wife

'I'm fine, Neal. Stop fussing. I'm meeting with Mr. Bosch this morning so I can start preparing for my leave. Three more weeks and I'll be a stay-at-home mom again!'

Neal bent down to kiss Sara and despite her modest attempts to pull away, the kiss deepened and he moaned softly 'Sara, it's been almost a week, that's not like us' he said, purring and moving to her neck and behind her ear.

Sara pulled his face away and looked into his eyes 'It's been busy, sorry. Tonight, I promise – early night...'

Neal seemed satisfied with the answer and they prepared to leave the house with Neal parking the car at the White Plains 'park and ride' as they parted ways and took their respective trains to their jobs.

Neal's new position was practically a done deal but the senior partners were introducing him to the Board of Directors to have his employment rubber stamped. His background as a criminal always solicited more scrutiny than any other prospective employee but he was also the most competent person for the job and his clean record since the more than four years he'd been off-anklet was another point in his favor. Add a fantastic reference from the White Collar unit and from Sterling Bosch, where he had freelanced, and the deal was all but in the bag.

The meeting went according to plan and by 11:30, Neal was texting Sara to let her know the contract had been signed.

Neal: Texting from my new office – you'll like it

Sara: It better not be bigger than mine

Neal: You _would_ make this about the size of my office...

Sara: Congratulations, sweetie. I'm proud of you!

Neal: How'd the meeting go with Mr. Bosch?

Sara: Good - last day is three weeks from Friday

Neal: I guess I'll have to get used to your cooking again – lol

Sara: Ha, suffer Caffrey!

Neal: Love you

Sara: xx

Neal looked around his new digs. He had never in his life had an office – _his office_ where he did _his job_. He even had an assistant, a lovely woman named Joyce, who was poking her head in the door as he looked up.

'Mr. Caffrey, can I get you a cup of coffee?' she asked, as she stepped into the office

'Not unless you're getting one for yourself – and I would prefer you call me Neal, if that's okay with you' Neal said, smiling his Caffrey-eske smile

'Sure... Neal' said Joyce, smiling back. She was a tall woman, in her fifties, with blond hair tucked up in a bun and Neal had only just met her but he already liked her a lot.

The first day on the job was a busy one with Neal being introduced to his new colleagues and being briefed on office policies and procedures. He even had a first piece of art to look at, a painting which had been recovered following a police bust and as he examined the piece of art, he felt that rush he so loved and he knew that he had made the right decision in accepting the job.

WCWCWC

Hope looked over enviously at Rosalie's Three Musketeers candy bar.

'You're lucky, your mom lets you have a candy bar' she said, sadly

'Only when I stay at my daddy's house. He has a whole drawer of candy and he lets me have anything I want' replied Rosalie

'That's not fair' pouted Hope 'My daddy makes me eat quinoa and spinach'

'What's quinoa?' asked Rosalie, puzzled

'I don't know, but I eat it' said Hope

WCWCWC

Neal looked at the time; it was already four thirty and he had literally not seen the afternoon go by. It was his job to pick up Hope and he realized it would take him a good ten minutes just to walk to the train. Without a second thought, he gathered his documents and shoved them in his briefcase as he grabbed his coat and ran out, wishing Joyce a good night.

He stepped out into the cool afternoon and made an impulsive decision to grab a cab to Hope's school. It was drizzling again and ice was forming on the roads. He raised his arm and waited.

Sara was sitting in her office, reading reports as she noticed it was already five thirty; if she was going to make it home for dinner, she'd better get a move on. Her cell phone rang; no doubt Neal asking if she was on her way and she looked at the display: private number, it read. Who's calling her from a private number, she wondered.

'Hello' she said tentatively into her phone

'Mrs. Caffrey, it's Patricia from Ridgeway' said the woman on the other end

'Yes?' said Sara, suddenly worried 'Has something happened to my daughter?'

'No, no, she's fine. It's just that she hasn't been picked up yet and the after-school program closed fifteen minutes ago'

'My husband was supposed to pick her up' Sara said as she looked outside. Freezing rain was falling making a mess of the roads. 'Let me call him, he's probably held up because of the weather'

Sara hung up and immediately speed dialed Neal, expecting an answer but none came and it went straight to his voice mail. 'Neal' she said, at the prompt 'it's five thirty. Where are you?

Call me when you get my message. I'm going to head over to the school'

Sara called the school, informing them that she was on her way and asking them to give Neal a message to call her if he should arrive in the meantime. She could hear Hope in the background and she sounded upset. She hung up and ran out of her office.

Sara still hadn't heard anything by six fifteen when she finally arrived at the school.

'I am so sorry. I don't know what's happened with my husband' she said as Hope ran to her and hugged her tightly. This was really not like Neal and her worry increased as she prepared Hope to go home. Maybe, they'd just gotten their wires crossed, she thought, and Neal was at home making them a terrific home cooked meal.

They walked home but the house was dark and the car was not in the driveway. Sara unlocked the door and walked in, unsure what to do next.

WCWCWC

'Car crash!' the emergency room nurse called out loudly as she dispatched one of her colleagues to the emergency room door. 'ETA – two minutes. One dead at the scene and one male on his way in. Head injury and possible internal injuries and bone fractures'

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Sara was pacing up and down in the emergency room as she waited impatiently to get some information regarding Neal's status. She had received a phone call telling her that Neal had been involved in a car accident as he rode in a taxi but she knew nothing else. The doctors were in with him and would talk to her as soon as possible, she'd been told. Did he just have scratches? Was he seriously injured? Not knowing was the absolute worse.

She had arranged for Hope to go to her friend Olivia's house until she knew what was going on. Olivia lived just up the street from them and her parents, Jeff and Donna, had become good friends to the Caffreys. Sara had left immediately, making a small detour to pick up their car which had remained at the 'park and ride' parking lot since early morning.

She continued to pace back and forth, finding the wait intolerable when the thought occurred that she should call Peter to let him know what was going on. She was feeling shaky anyway and it might be good to have someone with her if the news wasn't good.

'Peter' she said into her phone as she continued pacing 'I'm at Lenox Hill; Neal's been in an accident and they have me waiting'

'What?' Peter was not processing as fast as she needed him to

'Could you come down here, please?' she asked, her voice shaky

'Sure, I'll be right there' came the answer

Peter arrived just as a nurse was making her way to Sara, asking her to follow her into one of the rooms at the back of the emergency department. Peter briefly hugged Sara and followed her into the small room where there was a desk and two chairs – and no room to pace. Sara reluctantly sat and waited another several minutes before a woman in a lab coat walked in looking very serious.

'Are you Mrs. Caffrey?' she asked as she put out her hand. Sara nodded but didn't speak.

'I'm Dr. Oliver' the woman said 'and I've just left your husband'

Sara took a deep breath, anticipating the worse and she absent mindedly grabbed for Peter's hand

'This is Peter Burke, he's a good friend of ours' Sara mumbled as Dr. Oliver nodded politely

'Mr. Caffrey was riding in the back seat of a taxi headed north on East 96th. The roads were icy and from what we've been told a bus going in the other direction lost control and hit the cab broadside on the driver's side. Your husband was on the passenger's side in the back but he sustained a number of serious injuries as the bus slammed into the taxi. At first glance, he has some broken bones, specifically a broken wrist and some broken ribs and we have just taken him down to radiology to see if there are any signs of internal injuries. He has not yet regained consciousness and so we want to check him for any type of brain injury as well.'

The doctor stopped to take a breath as she saw that Sara's eyes were glazing over. She wasn't sure that Sara had understood all she'd said.

'Mrs. Caffrey, are you all right? Would you like some water?' said the doctor as she noted Sara's bulging stomach and made the appropriate deduction as to her delicate condition

'No, I'm fine' said Sara, softly, obviously in shock 'Can I see him?'

'When he comes back from radiology, you can see him for a few minutes but you have to understand that we're still evaluating his condition so we need to keep him here in the emergency room until we can determine the extent of his injuries and the appropriate treatments' said Dr. Oliver

Again, Sara nodded but she hadn't heard a single word. Peter, who was following what the doctor was saying asked how long Neal would be in radiology.

'Not long, maybe another twenty minutes or so. You can stay here and someone will come and get you when he comes back. We'll do our best for him, Mrs. Caffrey' said the young woman, finally.

She left and Sara's mind began to wander 'Peter, Hope is at a friend's house but I don't...'

'Let me call El and she can swing by and bring her back to our house for now, okay?' suggested Peter

'Okay, but she'll be worried and I'm not sure I can reassure her right now...'

'Don't worry about that. Elizabeth will handle all that – just write the address down for me, okay?'

Sara took the piece of paper Peter was handing her and her hands shook as she began to write down the information Peter had requested.

Neal was wheeled back into the emergency department fifteen minutes later and Sara and Peter were escorted to his bedside. Sara sat next to him and just stared at his lifeless form. How could this have possibly happened – just this morning, he was so full of life, so loving and warm. She remembered her promise to him and she'd looked forward to this evening all day. Neal was right, the last week had been busy and she'd neglected to make time for 'them'. Despite everything they'd been through over the past few years, he had been loyal and faithful and Sara felt like the luckiest woman alive. She had planned to show him just how much she appreciated him and she realized, as she glanced absentmindedly at her purse on the floor, that the bottle of wine she had picked up for dinner was still safely tucked away in her bag.

She studied his face - he had lacerations on the left side of his nose and cheek and he had been immobilized to keep his ribs compressed in case he should wake up and try to move. His left wrist was already in a cast up to his elbow and he was hooked up to several monitors as well as an IV, some oxygen and an oxygen monitor. He lay perfectly still and had been for the past hour. Sara had refused to leave his side and Peter had gone to get them something to drink while they waited for further news from the doctor. Sara put her head down by Neal's side – her eyes just wouldn't stay open anymore and she felt the baby kick as she repositioned herself.

'Sara?' Peter's voice seemed far away

She opened her eyes with difficulty and saw Peter standing over her with a cup of coffee in his hands. She had drifted off momentarily and she felt groggy and unsteady as she lifted her head.

'I saw the doctor outside and she's coming in a few minutes with some of Neal's test results' added Peter as he handed her the cup of coffee

Again, Sara nodded mindlessly, staring at her husband's face. In this state, he didn't even look like Neal. When Neal slept, he always had a small smile on his lips - this Neal looked lifeless and a shiver ran through her.

The door opened and Dr. Oliver walked back into the room.

'We have a little more information' she said as she sat to make eye contact with Sara. 'Your husband doesn't appear to have any internal injuries or bleeding and that's a good thing. But I am concerned about his head injury. We've done a CT scan and an MRI and there is some swelling that we need to monitor but as soon as possible, I would like to do and EEG as well'

'What does that mean? Do you think he has some brain damage?' Sara asked and she couldn't believe she had just said those words

'We won't know until we do some more tests, likely in the morning. May I suggest you get a little bit of rest, Mrs. Caffrey. You've had quite a shock and that can't be good for your baby'

'NO, I'm not leaving him' said Sara, loudly and she even surprised herself at the sound of her voice.

'We have a cot we can bring in for you. You know, it could be a few days before we know exactly what's going on with your husband and you need to keep up your strength'

'Okay, I'll lie down' said Sara, seeing reason

WCWCWC

'Hi hon' Peter said into his phone

'Hi hon' responded Elizabeth 'How's Neal?'

'We don't know much yet. They're still running tests on him and Sara is refusing to leave his side. I'm worried, El. This doesn't look good. Is Hope okay?'

'Well, I finally got her to sleep by letting Satchmo stay with her but she's a smart kid, Peter. She knows something serious has happened and she has a lot of questions – which I could not answer'

'Look, Sara's insisting on staying here. Can you get Hope to school tomorrow?'

'Yeah, but I'll play it by ear. If she's really upset, I'll keep her here with me, okay? What about you, are you going to stay there?'

'I'm not leaving Sara here alone, not in her condition. She's finally fallen asleep in a cot by Neal's bed but this is not going to be resolved in just a couple of days, El, and she can't stay here non-stop'

Peter returned to Neal's room where all was quiet except for the constant beep of the monitors. Sara had fallen asleep and he could hear her soft breathing as he sat in the chair by Neal's bed. He looked at his friend lying there and remembered how excited Neal was about his new job. He'd been humming and hawing about working full time and it had taken a long time for him to get to this point but he had been really excited about the work he'd be doing.

Neal still enjoyed doing the odd jobs for the FBI but his expertise was in art authentification and this was a unique opportunity for him to use his amazing skills. The job also gave him some time to keep producing original art – something Neal had never done before Hope was born. It was as if her arrival had given him the necessary inspiration to create unique and beautiful pieces – mostly portraiture with Hope, his favorite subject. A couple of years back, Sara had given Neal a high-end camera and he delighted in taking pictures of Hope in all kinds of situations – pictures that he would use as inspiration for painting and sculpting. He'd already had one very successful art showing at the Krause Gallery on the Lower East Side two years ago and he was producing pieces for a second show sometime next year.

But most of all, Neal had been thrilled about the new baby. Sara had been cancer free for just over three years and she had finally gotten pregnant to Neal's astonishment and delight. They had recently found out the baby was a boy and Neal had talked non-stop about his new son's arrival which was scheduled for late May-early June. Neal was a natural-born dad and it had taken Sara's first unexpected pregnancy to bring this fact to light. Neal had always enjoyed kids of all ages but with Hope, he'd fallen into his role without any hesitation, enjoying her at every stage of her development since her birth.

Neal had been the primary caregiver since Hope's arrival and he delighted in every one of her accomplishments. And Peter had to agree that his goddaughter was the smartest, cutest kid he'd ever met. Whenever she looked at him with her soft blue eyes, he was captivated and she could ask him just about anything. Hope could do no wrong in her uncle Peter's eyes and she didn't deserve to have her dad taken away from her. He hoped that somehow, Neal would come back, as before, but he was suddenly afraid that the next few days and weeks would be a very difficult time for the young family.

The monitor droned on and after a while, Peter let his head fall back in the chair where he sat and dropped off into an uneasy sleep.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Morning came and there was still no change in Neal's condition. His vital signs were stable but doctors were concerned about the slight swelling in his brain and they needed to ascertain if Neal had suffered any permanent brain damage. He was sent down for an EEG while Sara and Peter waited in the room he'd been assigned in the ICU; they had finally moved him from the emergency room at some point during the night and since he needed constant monitoring, this was the most suitable place to watch him until he woke. Usually, the ICU permitted a single visitor at a time, but as they waited for results of Neal's tests, they had allowed both Sara and Peter to stay by his side.

'Sara, you've got to go home for a while and get some rest. You're not doing Neal any good in your present state and you have to think about the baby' Peter had taken her hand as he spoke

'Peter, I can't leave. What if something happens while I'm gone' she said, eyes watering

'Look, when he gets back from his test, we'll see if there are any new developments and then maybe we can take turns being here; what do you say?'

His voice was calm and reassuring and Sara just looked at him; at least, she hadn't said no. She excused herself and went into the waiting area – she couldn't stop thinking about Hope and how worried her daughter would be to be away from both her parents, not knowing what was going on. She dialed the Burkes' number and waited as the call connected.

'Hello?' came Elizabeth's voice

'Elizabeth, it's me. How's everything over there?' Sara asked, her voice soft

'Oh honey, I'm so glad you called. Hope is fine but tell me about Neal'

'They're doing more tests on his head' Sara said as her voice faltered 'I guess they'll update us as soon as they have results. His wrist is broken and he has some broken ribs but mostly they're worried about this head injury; they don't know if he has some kind of brain trauma. Did Hope get any sleep?'

'Once I agreed to let Satchmo sleep with her, she was fine. I swear, those two are joined at the hip... She's having breakfast; Sara, I told her Neal's had an accident but I didn't know what else to say...'

'Can I talk to her?' asked Sara

Hope was instantly on the line 'Mommy, where are you?'

'Honey, I'm with Daddy at the hospital. Yesterday, he was on his way to pick you up at school and a bus slipped on the ice and hit the taxi he was in and he's broken his wrist but he's going to be fine. I just didn't want to leave him. Are you okay?'

'Auntie Elizabeth let me sleep with Satchmo!' said Hope and Sara thanked God that kids had such short attention spans

'I heard. Do you feel up to going to school today?' asked Sara

'We're having show and tell and Auntie Elizabeth said I could bring a picture of Satchmo and show his leash' Hope said, sounding just like an excited five year old should

'That's great. Look honey, I need to stay with Daddy some more so I'm going to ask Auntie Elizabeth to pick you up from school today, okay?'

'Okay, bye Mommy' said Hope

'Love you, sweetheart' answered Sara as her heart broke

'Don't forget to squeeze Daddy's nose for me' she said, handing the phone back to her godmother.

At this, Sara just about lost it. Hope and Neal had an amazing relationship and ever since she was a baby, they would squeeze each other's nose as a way of saying 'I love you'. It had begun when Hope was just a few months old grabbing randomly at objects. She would pull on Neal's nose and he had begun to do it back gently while saying 'I love you, too'. After a while, the words weren't necessary and the simple squeezing of the nose had become their private little secret.

After finalizing arrangements with Elizabeth - and thanking her for loaning her husband – Sara returned to Neal's room. He was back, just as motionless and pale as he'd been before. This time, there was a new doctor Sara had never seen before and Peter motioned her over to sit on a chair by Neal's bed.

'Hi, Mrs. Caffrey, I'm Dr. Perez. My specialty is brain injuries and I've been called in to consult on your husband's case' he said

Sara just stared as she listened intently to every word.

'Your husband seems to have suffered from an injury to his medial temporal lobe. This damage can be reversed over time but each patient is different and it's impossible to know, until he wakes up, how this injury will manifest itself in Neal'

Sara looked with wide eyes 'Manifest?'

'The temporal lobe controls memory and some speech but the brain is a very resilient organ and in some instances the body will compensate for an injury to one part of the brain with another part of the brain – again, until Neal wakes up and we can see how he's been affected by his injury, it's impossible to talk about any possible treatment' added Dr. Perez

'So, he could have lost his ability to speak?' Sara was in shock at the doctor's words

'It's premature to talk about how this will affect him. Each person is different and each person's brain heals differently. I know what I'm asking of you is difficult but you need to let him wake up before we start jumping to any conclusions' said Dr. Perez attempting to reassure Sara

'Why isn't he waking up?' and as she spoke, Sara put her hand on Neal's. He felt clammy and she hated that he was unresponsive.

'It's just his body, taking it's time before it's assaulted by the stimulation of the outside world and that's not unusual. It could still be a day or so before he opens his eyes – but I see nothing that would indicate that he won't regain consciousness very soon' said Dr. Perez

Sara took a deep breath and looked over at Peter searching his eyes to see if he had any questions that she hadn't thought of.

Dr. Perez spoke up: 'I realize that this is a lot to take in and that you'll probably have questions as the days go on but I want to assure you that I'll be here to give you all the information I can and to ensure that Neal is getting the best care possible. In your condition' he added as he looked down at Sara's protruding belly 'it's important to get some rest so you can be there when your husband wakes up. He's going to need his family and friends by his side over the next little while.'

Sara nodded and touched her stomach as the baby moved again, seemingly on cue.

It was almost noon when Peter finally convinced Sara to go home for a few hours. She was in desperate need of sleep and there was no way of knowing how long they would be waiting for Neal to wake up. Peter would take the first shift and Sara would return by dinner time and stay overnight. Elizabeth arranged her schedule so she could care for Hope until things got settled somehow and that took a big load off of Sara's mind as she drove home, her mind reeling at the possible consequences of Neal's injury.

She walked up the stairs to their bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed; she could see three ties lying on the bedside chair. Neal had been in a rush yesterday and had probably tried all of the ties before deciding on one for his first day at his new job. She began to cry softly as she took one of the ties in her hands and brought it up to her nose – she could smell her husband's unique scent and she took a deep breath as she wept.

How could their whole world be turned upside down because of a sheet of ice on a city street? How could such a random accident affect them all in such a profound way? Yesterday, Neal had been full of life, laughing as they drove to the train. She remembered how he'd given her one last lingering kiss before leaving. In the hubbub of their busy lives, he always found a way for them to connect and if she got sidetracked, he would find a way to bring her back to what was essential. She had promised him that she would make time for them that evening and that they would properly celebrate his new job once Hope was in bed.

But instead, Neal had spent the night unconscious in a hospital bed and she was afraid of what she would find when he finally opened his eyes. Would he be the same man he was yesterday? Would his memory be intact? What about language – what if he couldn't talk or move like before? The brain was so complex and even the doctors couldn't predict how Neal's brain would be affected.

She finally gave in to sleep and fell on her pillow, fully clothed. She slept deeply until her alarm woke her up abruptly at 5 o'clock and after checking with Peter that there was no change in Neal's condition, she went into the bathroom to have a hot shower and prepare for the trip back to the hospital.

Peter had spent the afternoon alternating between dozing off and staring at Neal. He was reminded of the old saying that a watched pot never boils and he forced himself to stop staring and went back to his crossword puzzle.

Neal was his best friend; it hadn't started that way, but after almost ten years and all they had been through, there was no other way to define their relationship. Ever since he had been taken off anklet, almost five years ago, Peter had allowed their friendship to grow; he was no longer his handler and they were now free to enjoy spending time together without Peter worrying about conflict of interest. Neal had been a loyal friend, fun to share the good times with and steadfast when things were rough. Peter thought back to the health scare he'd had last year when a test for prostate cancer came back positive. It had all worked out in the end but he recalled how Neal had been there for him, listening, providing support and making sure Peter and Elizabeth had all they needed. He was a good friend and a good man and Peter had seen him evolve into a loving husband and father over the years. He hoped that whatever struggles were ahead for Neal, they could be overcome.

Neal's eyes fluttered and opened as he took in his surroundings. He could see Peter sitting in a chair by the window with his eyes closed. Something wasn't right, he thought as he moved his legs slightly under the sheets. He looked at his arm, in a cast, and something shiny caught his eye, leaving him perplexed.

'Peter' he said weakly and Peter's eyes were open instantly. He jumped up from his chair and ran to stand by his friend's side

'Neal, you're awake' he said as he touched his arm and reached with his other hand to call for a nurse.

'Peter, where's my anklet and why am I wearing a wedding band?'

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Sara and Peter sat side by side in front of Dr. Perez's impressive oak desk and waited for him to make his entrance. When Sara had returned to the hospital at around 6:00, she'd been intercepted by Peter telling her Neal had opened his eyes and said a few words. He was now being examined by the neurology team and Dr. Perez had asked them to wait for him in his office and he would join them as soon as he could.

Try as she might, Sara had not been able to get much out of Peter regarding the first few seconds after Neal opened his eyes. He was purposefully being obtuse, not wanting to read too much into Neal's first words, and he didn't want to worry Sara if, in fact, there was nothing to worry about. However, Peter knew that, at the moment he came to, Neal had no idea he was off-anklet or that he was a married man. He focussed on the positive, telling Sara that Neal seemed to know who he was and that he'd been able to string a few cohesive words together, which had to be encouraging.

Sara fidgeted, as she always did when she wasn't in control of a situation and Peter tried to keep her calm until the arrival of the specialist which, as it turned out, did not take very long.

'Mrs. Caffrey, sorry to keep you waiting. I just wanted to get a good grasp of your husband's condition before talking to you' said Dr. Perez as he sat at his desk

Sara sat on the edge of her seat and waited patiently although she felt like she was going to burst.

'There are some very encouraging signs. Neal is able to communicate verbally quite clearly, he knows who he is and he was able to identify the names of people close to him. We've tested his motor skills and there doesn't appear to be any damage there. There does appear, however, to be a rather large gap in his recollections'

Sara looked at him intently 'How much of a gap?'

'Well, we asked him to talk to us about his life and he told us he lives alone in an apartment on Riverside Drive in Manhattan'

'He did live there and we lived there together with our daughter for about a year until four years ago. Are you telling me that Neal doesn't remember the last _four years_?' said Sara, suddenly alarmed.

'We haven't pinpointed the exact point in time which is out of Neal's sphere of recollection; that's something we are going to need your help with. You and others in Neal's life will be able to better evaluate where his recollections leave off'

'Is this permanent? Are you telling me Neal doesn't even remember that he has a family?' Now Sara was sounding upset and desperate. Peter reached out to calm her by touching her arm but she pushed him away.

'Mrs. Caffrey, Neal has retrograde amnesia. That means that there is a period of time prior to the accident that he does not remember. For some, it's the few minutes preceding the trauma but for others it can extend to years before. His short term memory appears intact which means that if you have a conversation with him today, he will remember it tomorrow. The damage might be permanent but we often see patients recover at least a part of their memory. It's called shrinking retrograde amnesia which means that with time, the patient begins to recover memories starting with the oldest memories and moving up to more recent ones.'

He took a breath and looked at both Peter and Sara, acknowledging the shock on their faces. 'I realize this is difficult for you right now and I would like an opportunity to spend more time with Neal so I can suggest the best course of action. There are therapies that can help with patients like Neal. He will be assigned a therapist to work with him and your family.'

'So what do I do? He's going to see that I'm pregnant the minute he looks at me' said Sara, crying

'I can't tell you what to do. Some patients react positively to details about their current life and others react with concern and anxiety. Neal doesn't have any other life-threatening condition that concerns me so I don't see any problem with you sharing some limited information with him however, I must caution you, he has been through a serious trauma, and he might react severely to certain aspects of his life that he doesn't remember. My advice is to take it very slowly at first. Some prodding may yield positive results. Just hearing about certain events could trigger some memory recovery.' Dr. Perez explained

Sara was upset and as much as she needed to see Neal for herself, she realized that the Neal she was about to see was not the one she'd left the day before at the train station. If he didn't remember their life as a family, he would have no knowledge of Hope, of their wedding, their move to White Plains and everything in between.

'Can I see him?' Sara asked, meekly

'Of course you can. May I ask, how long you've known Neal and what your relationship was five or six years ago?' asked the doctor

'Neal and I would have been dating – but depending on exactly where his memories leave off... let's just say, it was complicated' she answered sheepishly

'Well, Neal was asking about Peter so why don't you let him go in first and then you can follow and it won't be as much of a shock for Neal. The one piece of advice I would give you is not to lie to Neal although you should definitely be selective about what and when you choose to tell him things' advised Dr. Perez as he stood, concluding the discussion.

Peter helped her up and they walked tentatively to the waiting room outside the ICU. Neal had been moved there and was to stay one more night before being moved to a regular hospital room for a few additional days of recovery.

Neal was sitting up in bed when Peter returned to his room and he greeted Peter with a relieved smile

'Peter, you're back. Good, maybe I can get some answers now. Why am I here, what happened?' Neal said looking at his friend with alarm

'Neal, you were involved in an accident. You were riding in a taxi and it got hit by a bus. How are you feeling?' asked Peter as he took his place by Neal's side

'Confused, mostly. My head hurts like hell and my ribs are killing me. Where's my anklet?' Neal wasn't going to give up on that one 'And why am I wearing a wedding band? Was I undercover or something?'

'What's the last thing you remember?' asked Peter trying to get Neal to guide him to where his mind was at.

'My commutation – it's coming up, isn't it?' Neal asked more than said

'What's the last case you remember working on?' asked Peter patiently as he began to zero in more clearly on the cut-off of Neal's memories

'The last thing I remember' said Neal, slowly, as if it was painful to pull out the memory 'is going to Yankee Stadium with you the other day after we wrapped up the Gordon Taylor case but it's not really clear...' Neal trailed off, looking thoughtful

'Well, some time has elapsed since then' said Peter

'How much time?' asked Neal, getting more confused

Peter did his best imitation of the Caffrey deflection: 'Neal, what about Sara?'

'Sara? Why are you asking about her?' asked Neal, puzzled

'She wanted to visit you and she's outside' said Peter, preparing for Sara's arrival

'Oh yeah?' Neal asked with a smile on his face 'yeah, we've been seeing each other again lately, just casual, you know... but that's really nice of her to drop by'

'Neal, before you see Sara, you need to know that some time has passed since your commutation hearing - '

'What do you mean 'since'? Did I miss it?' Neal asked and Peter could sense his frustration growing

'In fact, Neal, you've missed quite a bit more than that. Did the doctors explain anything to you?'

'They said I had a brain injury and they tested my motor skills, my language skills and they said that my memory had been affected by the accident but...' Neal looked worried 'How much, Peter, how much time did I lose?'

'You didn't lose it Neal, you just don't remember everything right now. The doctors say that there are ways we can help you reclaim those memories - '

Again, Neal interrupted 'Peter, cut the crap, what are we talking about here?'

'Neal' Peter said slowly and carefully 'We celebrated your fortieth birthday last October'

Peter stopped talking in order to let this important piece of information make its way into Neal's consciousness.

Neal was silent as he tried to make sense of what Peter had just said and he continued to stare into space.

'Neal?' Peter prodded but Neal just continued to stare ahead with a vacant look in his eyes.

He finally snapped out of his daze and looked into Peter's eyes: 'You're telling me I've lost six years of my life?' he said in a trance-like voice

'Neal, the doctors have ways of helping you recover some of those memories but it could take some time and there are no guarantees'

'Could you leave me alone for awhile, please' said Neal as he winced with pain, turning in the bed to face away from Peter

'Neal, please' Peter pleaded

'Just go' said Neal

Peter reluctantly left the room, looking back over his shoulder one last time at his friend, lying on the bed totally destroyed. Neal needed some time to recover from the shock of what he'd just heard and he needed to be alone.

Neal lay, motionless on the bed and replayed the conversation he'd just had with Peter. How could such a big chunk of his life have left his consciousness? What was his life like now? Did he still live at June's? Did he still work with Peter? Six years was a long time.

Sara lurked outside Neal's room until he was asleep. She didn't want to further upset him but she needed to be near him, to look at him, touch him. She noticed that he had not moved in quite some time so she quietly made her way into the room and took a seat by his bed. She watched his chest rise and fall rhythmically and she let a few tears escape as she took his hand, gently as not to wake him.

He wouldn't remember that they were married, that they had a daughter, that they were expecting a second baby, that they had a great life he loved. This Neal was Neal from six years ago – he was living on the edge back then. He would have been on the point of leaving for Cape Verde with Mozzie. All those memories, running away to the island, coming back and putting his life together, committing to her and Hope – it was all gone from his consciousness. Everything was erased like a demagnetized credit card and who knew if he would ever get those memories back. She cried for him, she cried for herself, for Hope, for their life.

Neal felt the movement and turned, noticing her sitting there. He could see the tears in her eyes.

He spoke softly 'Are you still in my life?'

She nodded.

He lifted his left hand to show her his wedding ring. She nodded again. She stood to gently touch his hair and his eyes were drawn to her belly and another piece of the puzzle fell into place as she took his hand to touch her stomach.

Neal just smiled at her sadly.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Neal looked up into Sara's eyes; he thought she looked just as beautiful as ever. The pregnancy gave her a glow that made her look even more amazing than he remembered. Although she had matured somewhat, she hadn't lost the warmth in her eyes and in the muted lighting of the hospital room, her skin was radiant. Neal felt a flutter against his hand and as it ended, he gently pulled his hand off her stomach and she sat down again, unsure of what to do or say next.

Neal smiled at her, nervously, and he could see the pain and worry in her eyes.

'I'm fine' he said 'Don't worry'

'Really, Caffrey, _you're_ reassuring _me_?' she said with a twinkle in her eye that he knew all too well

After a moment, Neal looked up and spoke very softly not wanting to disturb the intimacy of the moment.

'How long have we been married?' Neal asked and the question seemed so strange

'It'll be five years in June' she answered, quietly

'You look beautiful' said Neal, choked up

'Oh, Neal' was all she could manage to say as her eyes filled with tears

They were interrupted by the evening nurse who was back to check on Neal's vital signs and Sara moved away from the bed to give her some room to manoeuvre.

'I think Mr. Caffrey's had enough excitement for today. I suggest we let him sleep for awhile' she said as she adjusted his IV drip. It was past nine o'clock and Neal was feeling the effects of a long, drawn-out, emotional day.

Sara looked into Neal's eyes as she pushed a stray strand of curls from his face 'Try to get some sleep. We'll talk tomorrow, okay? I love you' she said softly

Neal nodded and watched her leave. She had said those last few words so easily, the way people do when they've been saying it for years – without hesitation. He cared a great deal for Sara, thought he'd been falling for her, but did he love her? He didn't know and the thought of not knowing was unsettling.

His mind was in a whirl; over the past few hours, he'd found out that six years had elapsed since his last recollection; he'd discovered he was married and that he was going to be a father. Peter was obviously still in his life, but in what capacity? He wasn't his handler anymore, apparently, but he _was_ still around. Did he still work for the FBI, was he still a consultant? He wondered if Elizabeth was alright and what about Satchmo, was he still around? Then he thought about Mozzie, he had forgotten to ask about him and June, of course. He hoped that she was still alive and well. He wanted all the answers at once; he wanted to fall asleep and wake up and have this all be some strange dream.

He needed some time to clear his mind. He hoped that things would become clearer and that memories of the past would start returning soon because right now he felt like the only guy who wasn't in on some huge cosmic joke. He tried to fight it but he fell into a fitful sleep and he was awakened by a man in a lab coat who he recognized from earlier in the day.

'Neal, I'm Dr. Perez. I was in here earlier' said the man, gently

Neal nodded in recognition. 'Hi' he said simply

'How are you feeling?' he asked

'Physically, not too bad. My ribs ache and my head is throbbing but that might be from all the information I've been trying to process. What exactly happened to me, doctor?' asked Neal

'Well, physically, except for your two broken ribs and your wrist, you're in pretty good shape. The impact of the bus on the taxi sent you flying in the back seat of the car and you experienced a major hit to the head. You suffered some brain damage and that is causing your memory loss'

'Is it permanent?' asked Neal with concern in his eyes

'We don't know. Brain injuries are as individual as people are. In some cases, other parts of the brain compensate in some way for the injury. It can heal over time just like any other part of our anatomy. In your situation, it's a case of retrograde amnesia meaning that your memory loss goes back in time starting with the moment of the impact. Any new memories you form as of now will be not be affected by this type of injury. The length of time you can't account for is unusually long which leads me to believe that over time, the period will shorten. How much, we don't know. But you still have a bit of swelling which we are monitoring. Once that's gone, some of the memories may return.'

Neal nodded as he struggled to understand. He wished Peter was still in the room so he could make sure he was getting all of it.

'Neal, losing a chunk of time is very jarring for a person, emotionally speaking. You have to deal with the perception of others as you were to them just yesterday when you are stuck thinking and feeling like you were back in the period you remember. I know that your wife has begun to tell you things about that six year span but I've cautioned her to take it slow.'

'But I _want_ to know, I _need_ to know' said Neal

'You do, but you don't need to catch up on six years in one day' said Dr. Perez

'You will likely get some flashes of memory in the next little while. Just odds and ends that pop up randomly and you may wonder if it's a dream or if it's a real memory. In those cases, I suggest you speak to your loved ones; they can shed some light on things and help you think more clearly. Some people do well with hypnosis or other types of therapy. Others tell us they have vivid dreams of things from their forgotten past. Neal, your brain wants to remember so if you just relax and let it heal, it will do its best for you.'

Neal listened still having trouble believing this was happening to him.

'Starting tomorrow, you'll be working with a therapist to help you through this trauma. And of course, the whole neurology team will be monitoring your progress.'

'How long do I have to stay in the hospital?' Neal asked

'That depends on the swelling and how you are managing with things both physically and emotionally' he answered. 'Let's talk again tomorrow'

Neal could feel sleep coming on and as much as what he'd heard throughout the day had been unsettling, he could not fight the weariness he felt and he let himself drift into sleep. While he slept, he dreamt that he was in a room, painting a huge mural that spanned a whole wall. He didn't recognize the room he was in but he was working painstakingly on a small detail, trying to get it just perfect. He was happy, content and filled with love and joy as he worked. Whatever or whoever this mural was for was very important to him. He was overcome with a feeling of anticipation and excitement, the way you feel when you can't wait for a special day to arrive and Neal let himself be enveloped in that feeling of well-being.

WCWCWC

Sara sat at the kitchen table as Elizabeth fussed over her, bringing her a cup of tea.

'You have to take care of yourself, Sara. This baby is very important to you and Neal' said Elizabeth as she settled in next to her friend

'Considering Neal didn't even know we were married until a couple of hours ago...'

'Stop it. It will all come back to him in time. You have to believe that' said Elizabeth, reaching for Sara's hand

'Mommy!' she heard Hope call from upstairs

'Yes Hope' she answered, exhausted

'I can't sleep. Can I come down and lie on the couch?' said the child

Sara sighed a deep sigh 'Okay, bring your blanket and pillow'

Sara had made her way home after leaving Neal at the hospital and Elizabeth had brought Hope home so she could sleep in her own bed. Although she was coping with a minimum of information about her dad's condition, Hope was obviously unsettled; she could tell by the way her favorite grownups were behaving that something was really wrong. Hope appeared, lugging her blanket and her pillow and she stood in the doorway to the kitchen.

'Come here' said Sara, putting out her arms for her daughter

Hope walked over slowly and put her arms around her mom's expansive waist 'When can I see Daddy?' she asked as Sara gave her a hug.

'As soon as he's well enough, I'll take you over and you can see him, okay?' said Sara brushing a kiss on her forehead and trying to sound reassuring. What she was really thinking was: as soon as I tell him that you exist...

Sara made a move to stand up but Elizabeth put a hand on her arm. 'I'll do it' she said

'Come on, Hope, let's get you settled on the couch' she said as she took her goddaughter's hand and guided her to the living room.

Sara could hear Elizabeth in the distance, reassuring Hope and tucking her in. The living room in the Caffrey home was at the front of the house and sufficiently removed from the kitchen so that the women could carry on a conversation without being overheard by the child.

Elizabeth walked back into the kitchen, looking weary. 'I thought I'd sleep over and take Hope back with me to Brooklyn in the morning, if that's okay. That way, you can come and go as you please tomorrow'

'Thanks Elizabeth. I don't know what I'd do without you and Peter. At least it's Saturday and she won't miss any school' said Sara putting her feet up on a nearby chair

'How was he when you told him about Hope?' asked Elizabeth

'I didn't even get around to Hope yet. It was enough of a shock for him to find out we've been married for nearly five years and that we're having a baby! He looked awful, Elizabeth; I mean, put yourself in his place. The world as he knows it in his mind has moved on without him and he has no idea how he fits in. Let alone, how he must be feeling. Let's face it; six years ago we were nowhere near making a long-term commitment. And now he finds out I'm the old ball and chain...'

'Sara, come on. Neal loves you, you know that' Elizabeth said, trying to sound reassuring

'Yesterday's Neal loves me but the man I left tonight hasn't even realized he loves me yet.' She sighed, again. 'I was trying to remember the first time Neal told me he loved me and it was around the time I got pregnant with Hope'

'Sara, try to get some sleep, okay. I'll settle in down here on the pull-out so if Hope wakes up, I'll be nearby' said Elizabeth, pointing to the couch in the family room adjacent to the kitchen

Sara heaved herself unsteadily out of the kitchen chair and started the long climb to their bedroom, hugging Elizabeth as she went and stopping to kiss her sleeping daughter's forehead. She took off her clothes and left everything in a pile on the floor as she climbed into bed looking longingly at Neal's pillow next to hers. Except for one night when she'd been angry with Neal back a few years ago, they had shared this bed every single night since they had moved into this house. She lay on her side thinking of how Neal would curl up behind her most nights as they shared secrets and made plans. He was her rock, always there to provide support, to share the laughter... and the rough times. She was going to have to face all this without him.

She cried as she slept.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Neal woke from a sound sleep as the nurse checked his vital signs once more.

'Good news, Mr. Caffrey. They're moving you to a regular room' she said as a porter came up behind her ready to roll Neal away. All of the events from the day before came flooding back and Neal took a deep breath wondering what new revelations this day would bring.

The first visitor to Neal's room on Saturday morning was Mozzie - Mozzie who hated hospitals more than anyone Neal knew.

'Moz!' Neal called as he saw him lurking in the doorway in his usual paranoid manner

'Hey Neal. How are you feeling?' Mozzie said as he entered tentatively, not at all sure he wanted to be in a hospital room

Neal shrugged in that disarming way he had and let out a deep sigh. 'What can I say?'

Mozzie sat by the bed and nervously looked around.

'I see you still hate hospitals' said Neal, taking in his buddy. Mozzie hadn't changed – he still looked the same to Neal. Maybe a few more crow's feet around the eyes but that was about it.

'Well, you're worth the effort' said his friend with a timid smile

'So' Neal said lifting up his arm and pointing to his wedding band 'What happened to all those dire warnings about 'happily ever after' not being for guys like us?'

'Things change, you know' said Mozzie, shrugging

'Really?' asked Neal as he raised an eyebrow

'Neal, you have a great life and I never thought I'd say this, but marrying Sara was the best thing you ever did' said Mozzie

'And now we're having a baby!' Neal exclaimed as if it was some news flash

Mozzie just looked at him, realizing Neal didn't seem to know about Hope and thankful he hadn't just spilled the beans. Those beans were better spilled by Sara herself, he thought.

'So tell me, when did the anklet come off?' asked Neal, anxious to fill in the blanks

'About four years ago' Mozzie answered, matter of factly

'So, on schedule. I guess that means I didn't do anything stupid to have my sentence prolonged'

'Oh, you tried but the Suit got you out of an ugly mess' responded Mozzie

'What are you talking about?' Now, Mozzie had Neal's full attention.

'Well, first, you need to tell me where I'm picking up the story from' Mozzie said

'I remember the con with Taylor and my commutation hearing was coming up but things get fuzzy after that' Neal said, staring off into the distance

Mozzie tried not to react as he realized that Neal was describing events that had happened almost six years before. They really did have a lot of catching up to do.

'Well, Kramer was really gunning for you and so you and I took off - with Peter's blessing'

'I ran?' Neal asked, incredulous. He remembered feeling very anchored to New York, to his job, to Peter, to Sara. He couldn't imagine that he had left all that behind for a lark.

'Yeah, we were gone for about six weeks. Cape Verde.'

'Off the coast of Africa?' again Neal was having trouble processing all this new information

Mozzie nodded. 'Peter came after you and brought you back and managed to get your old deal reinstated and you finished out your sentence working with him, like before'

Neal's eyes lit up. 'I was shot in the leg' he said simply as the memory flashed before his eyes

'You _were_ shot in the leg!' Mozzie cried out, as if Neal had just made some big discovery 'The Department of Justice had sent out some loose cannon agent after you and he shot you to keep you from running'

Neal absentmindedly touched his right leg, feeling the scar there as if anchoring the memory in his psyche.

'Did I do any painting there?' he asked as a new memory began to form

'Yeah, lots' answered Mozzie 'You had a lot of free time'

'The Mona Lisa?'

'Yeah, you had it in your living room'

Neal just smiled as the memory formed. It felt good to remember something, even such trivial, seemingly unimportant details.

'And Sara?'

'Well you whined the whole time we were gone. You regretted not saying goodbye and you wished you had asked her to come along. But I was dead set against that. You did have a little island adventure, though, with a really sweet girl who ran a cafe there'

Neal looked perplexed, not remembering.

'But when we got back, you fell back into a relationship with Sara... but I think you'd be better off discussing all that with her' said Mozzie, feeling uncomfortable about sharing things that weren't his to share.

It was almost lunch by the time Mozzie left and Neal ate a few bites of the awful soup and sandwich left for him and let himself drift off to sleep for awhile as he began to let the new memories take root. Sure they weren't earth shattering revelations, but maybe this was the beginning of things coming back to him. He tried to relax to see if anything else came to him.

He was interrupted by another visitor a short while later.

'Mr. Caffrey?'

Neal looked up to see a young woman in the doorway to his room. She was petite, with glasses, somewhat bookish yet pretty and unassuming and Neal thought she couldn't be more that 25 years old.

'Hello' he said, looking up and putting on his best Caffrey smile

'My name is Allison Grant. I work with Dr. Perez on the brain injury team. I work directly with patients to help them work through issues related to their memory loss' she said as she stepped into the room

'Then, I would say you are in the right room' said Neal, trying to make her smile 'And please, call me Neal'

'Neal... right. I thought I'd pop in and say hi. Dr. Perez filled me in on your situation and I just wanted to make a first contact with you'

Neal nodded.

'I would like to start with a meeting with some of your loved ones, and yourself of course, so we could talk about the therapy process. It's important to involve the family – they are your most important allies' she said as she stood by his bed

'Sure, I'll mention it to Sara, my... wife and maybe Peter Burke, he's my boss – well he was anyway, now he's more of a close friend' said Neal. Redefining his relationships was going to take some getting used to.

'Perfect, and if you think of anyone else you would like to invite, feel free' she said as she placed some literature describing the brain injury program on his bedside table.

'So, how about Monday morning at 10. I'll get us a meeting room nearby – unless you feel you would rather wait a few more days before starting' she added

'No, no, I'm looking forward to getting to work on this as soon as possible' said Neal

'Oh, and one more thing. I'll just leave you this notebook. If you have any flashes of memories or vivid dreams between now and Monday, make a note of them and we'll discuss them at our first session, okay?'

'Sure' Neal answered, remembering the dream he'd had about the mural. He'd have to remember to mention it to Sara and see if she could make any sense of it.

'Alright then, Monday morning' said Allison

'Monday morning' Neal repeated as she left

It was just after lunch when Sara popped her head in to Neal's room; she waited for him to look towards the door. He was facing the window and seemed miles away and she almost turned around and left, unsure of what was best for him. He turned and spotted her in the doorway.

'Sara, hi' he said, smiling

'Hi. Is this a bad time?' she asked, not wanting to put any undue pressure on him

'Of course not, come on in. It's been like Grand Central Station in here today but I'm happy to see you' Neal looked tired but sounded sincere

'Oh, yeah, who's been here?' she asked walking towards him and putting her coat on a chair as she approached his bed. Under normal circumstances, she would walk up to Neal and kiss him in greeting but she wasn't sure how he would perceive such an advance so she held back and sat, taking her cue from him.

'Mozzie was here earlier. Then my new therapist came by; she seems nice - Allison something or other' he said

'So what kind of therapy is this?' she asked

'I'm not sure but she wants a meeting with all of us, you, me and Peter. She asked if you could come by Monday at around 10 o'clock'

'Sure, I'll be here' said Sara nodding

'Do you still work at Sterling Bosch?' asked Neal, feeling stupid that he was asking his own wife a question like that. He figured it wouldn't be the last time he'd feel this way.

'Yeah, I'm going on maternity leave in a couple of weeks. Ever since Ho-' She stopped suddenly as she realized Neal had no idea who Hope was – first things first.

'Ever since what?' Neal never missed a trick

'My leave starts in two weeks' she repeated – she wasn't as good as he was at deflecting and redirecting

'When is the baby due?' asked Neal, trying to look interested or was he really interested, she wondered.

'Sometime at end of May, beginning of June' she said

'Can I...' Neal asked as he reached out

Sara stood up and got closer to him and Neal put his hand on her belly as he'd done the night before. His eyes widened as he felt the baby kick and Sara put her hand over his. The physical contact did wonders for her as she felt her husband's warm hand on her stomach.

'Wow, that's incredible!' he said, looking into her eyes

'Yeah, he's quite a busy little guy' she added

'It's a boy?' he asked, looking pleased

'Yeah, it's a boy' she responded

'Mozzie was telling me about our island getaway to Cape Verde. I'm sorry... He told me that we left and I never said goodbye to you, although Moz says I whined about leaving you behind the whole time we were there.' Neal was feeling awkward, unsure where to start catching up on six years.

'That was a long time ago, Neal. I've forgiven you and so has Peter' As she spoke, she realized that although this was ancient history for her, it was fresh in Neal's mind and she regretted her offhand comment.

He looked uneasy and changed the subject. 'The therapist was telling me that sometimes patients with memory loss have flashes of memories or dreams and she gave me this book to start writing about any memories I might be having'

'Oh yeah? Anything yet?' asked Sara, hoping for something, anything to pin her hopes on

'Yeah, I had this dream and it doesn't make sense to me but maybe you can make some sense of it. I was in this room and I was painting a huge mural and I just had such a sense of happiness and joy'

Sara gasped.

'What?' asked Neal

'It's the mural you painted in Hope's bedroom at June's' she blurted out, without thinking

'Hope?' Neal looked in Sara's eyes, searching

Sara began to cry, upsetting Neal in the process.

'I'm sorry' Sara said finally, as she got a hold of herself 'I have to stop blurting things out like that. I'm just upsetting you'

'Well if you don't explain, I will definitely be upset' said Neal, trying to remain calm

Sara took Neal's hand and looked into his deep blue eyes.

'Neal, this isn't our first baby. We have a daughter' she said, softly

Neal just looked away, staring off into space 'A daughter? What kind of a person forgets they have a daughter?'

'This is not your fault, Neal. You are an amazing father to Hope; you just don't remember right now'

Neal laughed, sardonically 'Yeah, I'm such a terrific dad, I don't even remember her'

'Maybe this is just too much, too soon' said Sara, getting up to leave

'No, no' he grabbed her hand and pulled her back to sit on the chair 'I'm sorry, I don't want to take this out on you; I'm just so frustrated'

It took a moment for Neal to regroup but finally, he turned to Sara 'Tell me about her'

That brought a huge smile to Sara's face. Both Neal and Sara loved talking about their daughter and her exploits.

'Are you sure you're up to this?' she asked

'I'm sure, please tell me' he pleaded

'Hope is going to be five years old in a couple of weeks' she said

'Five? Really? So, that means you got pregnant what, just after I came back from the island?'

Sara nodded. 'It wasn't planned and I'll tell you all about the circumstances around that someday but, I think for today, that's enough'

'Do you have a picture?' Neal asked

'You have a picture' she told him

Neal's personal belongings had been placed in a bag along with his clothes and he reached for the bag by his bed. He found his wallet and started to look through it.

'Anything else I should know about before I look in here?' he asked as he attempted to lighten the mood

'Not unless you have a picture of your latest girlfriend in there' said Sara, laughing through her tears

Neal opened his wallet and saw a number of pictures of a child – as an infant, in Sara's arms, as a toddler and what appeared to be a more recent school photograph of a little girl. He stared as he took it in: she had his blue eyes, dark curls like his but the shape of her face and her eyes were those of Sara. He flipped it over and found a family picture of the three of them, smiling at the camera; Hope looked to be about three years old – if he was any judge of age. She was beautiful and full of life and he fell in love with her face immediately although there was no recognition of her features.

'She's beautiful!' he said quietly 'This is our daughter?'

'Yeah, she's the best, Neal and she worships you' said Sara, sadly as she realized that Neal was not connecting in any way with the picture he was looking at.

'Look, Sara, I'm kind of getting tired. Do you think we could continue this later? I need some sleep' he said, looking totally done in

'Sure' said Sara. This time she didn't hesitate and she stepped forward to plant a kiss on Neal's forehead, ruffling his hair. She took her coat and left, crying all the way to the parking lot.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Following Sara's departure, Neal lay in his hospital bed feeling like the walls were closing in on him. There was just too much information to process and he felt like his mind might explode from all the stimulus.

Uppermost in his mind, was the realization that he wasn't just _going_ to become a father – he was _already _a father - to a five year old he couldn't even remember. He took Hope's picture out for the umpteenth time and stared at it. She was so beautiful. He tried to imagine her voice, her movements, what their relationship was like. Did she call him Dad or Daddy or Poppa? Either one would be so bizarre to hear for the first time.

He wondered what she liked to do. What was her temperament? Was she headstrong like Sara or a romantic like him? Did she go to school - he had forgotten to ask that. He just had so many questions about her. She was just a kid, how would he ever be able to reassure her about things when he didn't have the first clue about how to be a dad. Sara had told him he was an amazing father – what did that mean?

The expectations were so high and Neal didn't feel up to it at all.

After dinner, on Saturday evening, Peter and Elizabeth paid Neal a visit. It was the first time Neal was seeing Elizabeth and he was still feeling awkward about his role in her kidnapping. He'd tried to tell himself that it was unlikely that Elizabeth had been holding a grudge for six years but he was still nervous when he first laid eyes on her.

He needn't have worried. Elizabeth ran up to him and gave him a warm hug all the while being careful not to hurt his injured ribs. She smiled warmly at him and Neal immediately recognized the caring woman she had always been.

'Neal, I'm so glad to see you' she said as she stepped away

'Me too' he said, smiling

'How was your day today?' asked Peter as he pulled up a second chair to sit on. He thought Neal looked more alert that he had the day before and he was pleased to see from the tray on his bedside table, that Neal had eaten most of his dinner.

'Lots of visitors today' said Neal 'Moz came by, my new therapist visited and of course, Sara came by'

A smile came across his face as he said the last few words. Elizabeth spotted the picture of Hope that Neal had placed facing him on the bedside table and she gave a knowing look to Peter.

'I see _that_ cat's out of the bag, huh?' she asked pointing to the picture

'Yeah, I have to say _that_ was the news of the day' agreed Neal as he absentmindedly picked up the picture to examine it once again.

'It's going to be okay, Neal. Hope is absolutely crazy about you'

'What, the old me or the new improved amnesiac me?' he said in a mocking tone

Elizabeth let out a long labored sigh.

'She can't wait to see you. She's been asking non-stop but Sara's been putting her off. She doesn't want to unnecessarily upset you'

'Poor kid, stuck with me' again Neal was having trouble seeing the bright side

'Maybe the best thing is to see her as soon as possible. Worrying about it isn't going to help. You know kids, they have a way of disarming you, of making things easier' offered Elizabeth, trying to put a positive spin on things.

It was Neal's turn to sigh.

'Maybe, I don't know. I don't want to freak her out' he said, deep in thought

'Well, why don't you discuss it with Sara tomorrow? She can give you some tips on approaching Hope but believe me, when Hope sees your face, she'll be so happy that everything else will melt away' said Elizabeth

Neal stared ahead silently.

'Neal, she's five years old. She's going to be more interested in your cast or the novelty of being in a hospital room. She won't be scrutinizing every one of your words or gestures'

'So' Neal said, wanting to change the subject 'What little tidbits of information do you guys have for me. Do you still live in Brooklyn?'

'We do' said Peter 'same house you've always known. And oh – here's something: Satchmo and your daughter are the best of buds. Except, she wears him out'

Neal laughed at this.

They shared a few anecdotes in the hopes of triggering some new memories but Neal was done for the day and after about half an hour, the Burkes departed leaving Neal to his thoughts and his dreams.

He hoped that he would have another nice dream like the one from the night before. That way, he could continue to chisel away at this barrier between his conscious mind and his unconsciousness.

He did dream that night – about being locked up and not being able to escape; a very unpleasant dream that didn't have any particular significance. Except that he still had _those_ memories – the ones of years in jail, locked up at Sing Sing – and those he wouldn't mind forgetting.

Sunday morning arrived and he was feeling slightly more optimistic. The doctors came by and examined him - his ribs were beginning to heal and the headaches were receding as long as he took the prescribed medication regularly.

He began to look forward to the moment Sara would arrive. She had promised to visit once again and he vowed to be more attentive to her needs and what she was going through. She was six months pregnant, probably exhausted, dealing alone with a five year old, a husband in the hospital and still working full-time.

She made an appearance right after lunch and she looked amazing despite her fatigue. She was wearing a beautiful royal blue maternity dress that Neal vaguely thought he had seen on her before.

He smiled as she came into view and sat up inviting a kiss which she gladly delivered as she took his face in her hands. It somehow felt familiar and certainly pleasant, Neal thought.

'You look particularly beautiful today' he said as Sara blushed slightly

'This was your favorite maternity dress of mine when I was pregnant with Hope' said Sara with a twinkle in her eye

Neal noticed she was carrying a large bag and he offered to take it from her as he put out his good arm to reach for it.

'I brought some pictures and things... if you're interested' she said, taking a seat

'Yeah, of course. Now before we look at these, you're sure we don't have another couple of kids you didn't tell me about, huh? 'Cause I think yesterday's news is about all I can take in that department'

Sara grinned 'I promise, just these two' she said wistfully, thinking about the miscarriage she had after her cancer surgery. But that would keep for another day, she thought.

Neal scooted over in the bed and Sara climbed in, taking off her shoes so they could sit side by side to look at the photo albums she had brought. She could feel Neal warm and solid against her and she had the urge to turn and kiss him, deeply, longingly so he would know just how much she missed him. She refrained, keeping her eyes on the pages of pictures as Neal asked questions about each one.

'This is our wedding day' said Sara pointing to pictures of June's house all decorated up

Neal smiled. He recognized the house and most of the guests in the pictures. He saw himself grinning from ear to ear as he paraded around the house with Hope, all dolled up, in his arms. He looked so happy and some of the feeling began to rub off on him although he couldn't quite figure out how.

'Cupcakes' he said out of the blue. 'There were cupcakes with an anklet and some with your baton' He wasn't even asking a question – he somehow knew that this was a fact.

Sara smiled encouragingly 'Yeah, there were. Good job, Neal'

He looked at her, relieved. He moved back slightly so he could get his good arm away from where it was wedged between their bodies, he lifted it and brought his a hand up to Sara's face. He moved in gently and placed a probing kiss on her lips.

'Neal, I miss you so much' Sara whispered as he pulled away

'I know and I'm sorry but we'll find a way to get through this, I promise' he said, putting his arm around her and pulling her close

He wanted to say 'I love you' but he wasn't sure and the last thing he wanted to do was to be deceitful. This was no time to con Sara, the stakes were way too high, even Neal Caffrey, conman, could see that.

They spent a good hour looking at pictures and every once in a while Neal would say something randomly as a brief glimpse of a recollection passed through his mind. It was _something_, he thought, not much, but something to build on.

Sara offered to leave the pictures for him in case he wanted to look at them later and Neal agreed, tucking the album by his bedside for easy reach.

'I think we should talk about Hope before you leave' he said, as Sara was preparing to go

'Sure, what do you want to know?'

'Everything but I'll settle for something – for now' he said looking into her eyes

'She's dying to come and see you but I don't want to upset either one of you' she said

'Don't worry about me, she's the one we have to look out for' and as he said the words, he thought, surprised, that they sounded rather protective and paternal.

'Hope is like the perfect blend of you and me. You always say how she's headstrong, like I am. She's also an artist, like you. She's sensitive but tough, if that makes any sense'

Neal nodded and smiled.

'She has a wicked sense of humor for a five year old, a real dry wit. She loves books, she's starting to read and one of her favorite things is going into your studio with you and working alongside you'

'Studio?' Neal asked

'Yeah, when we bought the house, we set up a whole studio for you to work in. You have a lot of original pieces, you know' said Sara, knowingly

'Me? Original pieces?' Neal was surprised. He had never felt the inspiration to do original work, preferring to use his talents to mimic other famous artists – mind you, that had often gotten him into trouble with the law...

'On our wedding day, you gave me an original painting of Hope and me when she was a newborn. It's beautiful and it hangs in our bedroom'

All this talk of domesticity sounded foreign to Neal, the bachelor in the walk up apartment and he fidgeted.

'You told me that before Hope, you had never had anything that inspired you to paint but since she was born...' Sara continued, mildly aware of Neal's discomfort

'Wow, I can't wait to see that for myself' said Neal, having trouble imagining it

'Look, Sara, why don't you arrange for Hope to come by and visit next time. We'll make it short and we'll see where it goes' Neal said, trying so hard to do the right thing

'If you think you're up to it' said Sara 'How about tomorrow after school. We can keep it brief; that way you won't feel so much pressure'

'Sounds like a plan' Neal said

Sara could see Neal was starting to droop, still recuperating from the trauma of the accident and the physical pain so she took her leave and promised to be back by 10 o'clock the next morning for the meeting with the therapist.

This time, she smiled all the way to the car.

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Monday morning came and Allison Grant prepared the conference room in order to welcome Neal's family and friends. The small room at the end of the hallway on the 10th floor had enough room for about a dozen people seated around a small conference table. She prepared coffee and set out a pitcher of water and made her way to room 1008.

She arrived in Neal's room at 9:55 pushing a wheelchair and invited him to climb aboard so she could wheel him up the hall.

'I don't need a wheelchair' whined Neal 'They're going to release me in just a couple of days'

'Hospital policy' said Allison, as she set the brake and took Neal's good arm to help him into the chair

Neal had invited both June and Mozzie to join the meeting, they were significant people in his life and he thought it would be wise to have everyone on the same page.

Both of them were already seated when he was rolled into the conference room. Mozzie gave Neal a small wave and June walked over to kiss Neal, taking a seat on his left. Sara and Peter arrived a moment later and Sara walked over to Neal, taking the seat on the other side of him and giving him a smile and a brief kiss as she sat down.

After introductions, Allison began with some opening remarks.

'Thanks for coming everyone' she began 'My name is Allison Grant. I'm with the brain injury team here at Lenox Hill. You are all here because you care about Neal and Neal cares about you'

Neal glanced around at everyone and let his look linger on Sara who was studying him. She smiled back.

'As you all know, Neal suffered a head injury last week and one of the consequences of this trauma has been a rather lengthy gap in Neal's recollection of events over the past six years. Neal will be released from the hospital possibly as early as Wednesday, if all continues to go well. He has two broken ribs which are healing nicely and his left wrist has sustained a fracture for which he will wear a cast for another couple of weeks'

She looked around and saw that everyone was paying close attention to what she was saying.

'I'll be Neal's therapist for however long he wants me to be. My job is to support Neal through the ups and downs of the next few months as he works on recovering his memory. I want to take a moment to explain how memories are made – they are complex and are stored in our brain according to the importance we give them. That is why sometimes, we forget things, things that don't seem important at the time or that we don't feel we are going to need to recover in the future. The injury that Neal sustained has caused some inflammation around his brain, swelling that is well under control but that can affect one's ability to recover information. The part of Neal's brain which is injured is the medial temporal lobe where memories reside. His brain might recover over time, although not completely and other parts of his brain may take over to compensate for the shortcomings of his temporal lobe'

'Now, for the more interesting part of our program' she said as everyone let out a nervous laugh

'How do we help Neal over the next little while? My job is to meet with Neal, probably twice a week, to discuss his feelings, his concerns, any anxiety he may be feeling and to help him develop some strategies to cope with this period of uncertainty. Your job, as family and friends, is to support Neal, no matter what. That might entail talking to him about past events to try to jog his memory but at times, it may also mean cutting him some slack. As you can imagine, this is a very stressful time for Neal. He woke up a few days ago not remembering what he had done the day before, last week, last month or even last year.

Sara, who had been holding Neal's hand squeezed it gently in encouragement and Neal looked at her smiling feebly.

'I want to stress that memory retrieval can happen in a lot of ways. It could be through hypnosis, from looking at a photograph, or visiting someplace that has special significance, it can be a song, an object, a sound, a smell or a taste. It could also happen with dreams – as a matter of fact, we see that quite a bit. When you sleep, you are in a relaxed state and your mind can access places that your waking self cannot. So, bottom line, no one here wants to remember more than Neal so we all have to take our cue from him.' Allison paused. 'Are there any questions or concerns?'

June spoke up first: 'I just want to say that I've loved Neal for many years and you can count on me to be on team Neal' she said

Everyone laughed. 'Go June!' said Mozzie

The meeting wrapped up and Allison left while the rest of the group stayed and had coffee. Neal was glad to be out of his hospital room for a change. He was starting to feel stronger, at least physically and he was itching to go home – wherever home was.

Neal had arranged for Sara to bring Hope over after school and by three o'clock he began watching the clock incessantly. He was very nervous about meeting his daughter, more so than he ever remembered being in his life and he had decided to sit up in the chair by the bed instead of lying down so that he could better greet her when she arrived.

He continued to imagine what he might say to her, what she might say to him, all the while realizing that this was a five year old child and that he should just trust his instincts and go with the flow. Neal had always enjoyed being in the presence of children; his easy going manner and gift of gab had always served him well whenever he had had to interact with kids in the past. But this was his daughter, his own flesh and blood and he was afraid that somehow things would not click between them even though everyone had told him repeatedly just how close they were.

At around four o'clock, he heard the faint rhythm of Sara's voice in the distance and he sat up, anticipating the long awaited moment. As they approached, he heard a child's voice then finally, Hope came into view. It took her no more than four or five long strides to reach him and as she ran towards him, Neal was mesmerized by her features, her eyes bright and blue, her smile warm and loving.

'Daddy' she shrieked as she reached him and threw herself in his arms.

'Whoa, whoa, I told you Daddy has sore ribs and a broken wrist. Take it easy' said Sara as she moved to pull Hope away

'That's ok! Hope, I'm so glad to see you' said Neal, holding on just a few seconds longer as he looked up at Sara, seemingly seeking her approval. Hope felt so small and vulnerable in his arms and he had an overwhelming urge to keep her safe and protected.

'Daddy, guess what?' she said, finally pulling out of his grasp

'What?' said Neal, playing along

He looked into her beautiful eyes, so sparkling and intense and he could see the excitement and animation in them. She was tall for her age, with Sara's physique, tall yet petite and her coloring mirrored Neal's almost exactly. She gesticulated as she talked and he could see she was a secure, happy child.

'Rosalie invited me to her party' she said rather dramatically 'Can I go?'

'Well, you're going to have to let me discuss it with your... with Mommy' he said, smiling at her

'Okay, Daddy but it's Saturday, so discuss quickly' she said as she became distracted by the hospital bed

'Can I sit on the bed?' she asked one leg already up on the edge

'Yes, but take your shoes off' said Sara as she walked over to greet Neal with a kiss

Neal was totally unprepared for this domestic scene and yet somewhere in a deeply buried part of his mind or somewhere else altogether, it just felt right. The dichotomy between his thoughts and his emotions was uncomfortable but Neal decided not to analyze it and just go with the moment.

He turned towards his daughter 'You know that bed moves' he whispered as he pressed the button and her legs came up. She began to giggle. Neal giggled along and for one brief moment, the uneasiness was gone and the pure joy of watching his daughter laugh overwhelmed him and he was overcome with a feeling of wellbeing.

Sara spoke up: 'Hope has been missing her bedtime stories since you've been in the hospital'

'Yeah, Daddy, I brought 'The Paper Bag Princess'. Could you read it for me?'

'Sure, you want to cuddle up on the bed?' Neal asked struggling to stand up with just one arm and a couple of sore ribs

Hope nodded and moved over to make room for Neal on the bed. He awkwardly got in and put his good arm around her to bring her close to him. She felt good against him and again, he didn't question why that was so. He looked up at Sara; she appeared upset.

'I'm just going to use the washroom' she said, her voice quivering as she left suddenly

Hope just looked up at Neal in anticipation of the story he was about to read and he opened the book to the first page. He didn't know this book but he imagined that his eyes had read the text many times before and that his mouth had uttered its words on many occasions so he relaxed and started to read, as Hope turned the pages for him.

'No, Daddy, do the voice' she said as Neal read the words uttered by the dragon. He took a deep breath, not quite sure just what 'the voice' was but he began again and Hope just nodded in agreement as he continued to read.

Sara reappeared just as they finished up the story and Neal noticed that she looked more composed. He hated seeing her this way and he attempted to connect by giving her a small smile which she reciprocated.

'Daddy, I brought you a present' said Hope as she scrambled off the bed to grab the backpack that her mom had carried in for her. She pulled out a drawing and walked back to the bed as Neal struggled to sit up again.

'This is you, with your cast lying on the bed, this is me in my nurse's costume, this is Mommy and this is my baby brother' she said as she pointed to everyone in the picture.

'I love it, thank you honey' said Neal as he took it from her and tried to contain the emotions that were rising in his chest

The attendant entered with Neal's dinner, breaking the spell and Sara took this as a good time to prepare to leave and let Neal rest.

'Daddy, when are you coming home?' asked Hope as she hugged Neal one more time

'I think probably the day after tomorrow' he said, looking into her eyes

'So, two sleeps then?' she asked

It took Neal a moment to understand. Of course, he thought, kids think of things in concrete terms and that was one way of measuring time.

'Yeah, two sleeps and I'll be home and I'll be able to read you your bedtime story' he said, hugging her back and not wanting to let go

Sara and Hope finally departed leaving Neal to stare at the drawing he was holding in his hand and to unravel the mess of emotions that were coursing through his veins.

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

'Hi Neal, how are you feeling today?' said Allison as she sat by Neal's bed

Neal shrugged.

'I hear you're leaving the hospital tomorrow. How's your wrist?' she asked

'They're going to remove the cast and put me in some sort of wrist brace next week' explained Neal, holding it up to show her

'That's good, and the rest?' she asked

'I'm really nervous about going home. I have no idea what to expect' Neal confided, nervously

'How did your first meeting with your daughter go?'

Neal smiled despite himself 'Strangely familiar yet totally unfamiliar' he answered realizing that made absolutely no sense

'That makes sense' answered Allison

He looked at her quizzically. 'In my head, I don't remember ever laying eyes on her before, and yet I was totally comfortable when I saw her for the first time. Maybe it's because Sara had told me about her and showed me her picture...'

'Or maybe you're tapping into some memories that are trying to bubble to the surface. Your mind is not the only place memories are stored you know, feelings are not facts' offered Allison as she scrutinized Neal's face for emotion

'She's beautiful, she has blue eyes – actually, it's like looking in a mirror – and she has my coloring' Neal said as he reached over to show Allison the picture he now kept by his bed. Allison smiled acknowledging the child in the photograph and she nodded.

'She was really excited to meet me – I mean, _see_ me... I guess for her, seeing me is nothing new. I want to do what's best for her; I'm just not sure what that is' said Neal, wistfully

'What do you mean?' asked Allison

'Well, I've been her dad her whole life, I've behaved in certain ways, we have a history. But I don't have a clue what that history is and I'm afraid to disappoint her' Neal said

'Then you have to be honest with her and let her know how you feel. Just use really simple words and she'll understand. Your daughter loves you so she's not looking for you to fail. And ask Sara to help - she's been watching the two of you together for five years; surely she has some advice for you'

Neal nodded, unconvinced.

'I had another dream last night, I was in a Jacuzzi with Sara and she was pregnant – very pregnant. But I'm not sure if it's just because she's pregnant now... It was beautiful; I was holding her... I think maybe it was in the birthing room but I don't know if it's real or just a dream' Neal said in a faraway voice, recalling the pleasant feeling the dream had elicited.

'You could ask your wife about it when she comes later' suggested Allison

Neal looked up alarmed 'I'm still getting used to the word 'wife' he said looking down at his wedding band and playing with it

'How _do_ you feel about Sara?'

'I care about her, a lot. She's just like I remember, warm, funny, sexy and she's carrying our baby... Maybe I love her, I don't know. She tells _me_ she loves me all the time – I guess that's what married people do – but I just haven't been able to say it yet'

'Because you don't feel it?'

'I don't know... I just don't want to say the words until I'm sure'

'So how do you feel about walking into your house for the first time?'

'My house... it's strange I've never even seen it...'

'Well, you might be surprised at how you feel when you walk in. Even though your mind might not remember, your eyes and all of your senses know that house inside and out. Just don't put any pressure on yourself. Try to relax and things might come to you naturally'

Neal nodded, nervously.

'Did you start your memory journal like I suggested?'

Neal took out the notebook he always kept with him and began to skim through it.

'Can you tell me about some of them?'

Neal opened the book and glanced inside

'I dreamt I was in a room, painting a beautiful mural and I was so happy and excited'

'And...'

'It turns out that I painted a mural for my daughter's bedroom at June's – where we used to live.

Sara says I worked on it for months and that I was so excited about it'

'Neal, that's a memory of how you were feeling about your daughter before she was born. This is excellent!' said Allison

Neal looked back down at his notebook and nodded, awkwardly.

'Mozzie told me about our trip to Cape Verde and while he was talking, I saw myself painting the Mona Lisa. Moz says I did paint a reproduction of it and had it in my place. Also, I remembered that I'd been shot without him telling me... but maybe that's cheating 'cause I've got this scar on my right leg'

'Stop being so hard on yourself, Neal. That scar could have been from anything but you were able to associate it to that specific memory' said Allison, looking very encouraged

'Um, Sara was telling me about our wedding and I remembered some details about our wedding cake before she told me' he said thumbing through his notebook.

'This is really good progress, Neal'

'It doesn't feel like it. What's the point of remembering what was on top of my wedding cake when I don't even remember my own daughter' Neal said, frustrated

'Neal, this is how the memory works. It's not a neat little package in perfect chronological order. It's jumbled up feelings and images and smells and thoughts. It's a patchwork of things, just like life is'

'I don't want tidbits here and there. I want to remember how I _felt_, why I married Sara, how it felt when Hope was born, how it feels to make love to my pregnant wife...' Neal was getting emotional and his voice broke

'I think we need a bit of a break, what do you think?'

Neal took a deep breath and nodded.

WCWCWC

Wednesday finally arrived and Neal got his walking papers from the hospital. Although he was very relieved to finally be leaving, he was unsure about what lay ahead. Even if he wanted to take the cowardly way out, his former life didn't exist anymore. He had no choice but to make a start on all aspects of his 'new' life and he was terrified.

Sara was winding things up as Sterling Bosch before she started her maternity leave so Peter had offered to pick him up and bring him home. Neal took a long slow breath as he stepped out of the hospital. Although he had been cooped up less than a week, this was his first glimpse at the world six years later and he looked around to see if he noticed any obvious changes in the scenery.

'Well, everything still looks the same' he said as he got into Peter's car and buckled up

'I'm sure that things haven't changed all that much' said Peter

Neal couldn't help but think that, in fact, things as he knew them had totally changed. He watched as Peter drove out of Manhattan towards the suburbs, where Neal had never even imagined living. Arriving in White Plains, he immediately noticed the change in pace, the slower family oriented tempo and he began to feel uncomfortable and restless.

Peter pulled into a street that looked like all the other streets and pulled into the driveway of a nice, cookie cutter home – his home. The one that he and Sara had chosen together, the one they were paying a mortgage on, the one where Hope played with her friends and where he cooked meals and made love to his wife.

Neal was terrified but he put on his best face and thanked Peter for the lift, walking up the drive and waving as his friend drove away. Suddenly, he got one of his now familiar flashes. He was standing in the driveway with a little girl (Hope?) dressed in a nurses' costume and there were little goblins all around. Hope was hanging on to his hand tightly and telling him she was scared as he scooped her up in his arms and carried her back to the house.

He put his hand on his pocket and felt for the now familiar notebook and took a minute to jot down the memory before taking a few tentative steps towards the front door and inserting his key. He had several keys on his keychain and he made the conscious effort not to think, letting his hand guide him and choose the one that opened the door to his 'new life'. The lock came open on the first try.

Neal wandered around the house, taking it all in. The living room was at the front of the house with a small two piece bathroom by the front door. Next to the living room, moving towards the back of the house was the dining room with the kitchen/family room bringing up the rear. He walked into the kitchen and everything seemed oddly familiar although no specific memory came to mind. Neal assumed he must have spent a lot of time in the kitchen over the years, knowing Sara and her dislike of all things culinary. He could see some toys scattered in the family room, a large screen television, puzzles, books and arts and craft supplies. The house had a nice lived-in look but it certainly didn't look like Neal Caffrey's place. He sighed – it was the 'new and improved Neal Caffrey's' place, he thought.

He glanced outside the patio door that was off the family room into the backyard. There was still some snow on the ground but he could see a swing set and he could make out what appeared to be a sandbox in the distance. He tried to imagine spending time out there with Hope on a beautiful summer day.

He wandered up to the second floor, noticing three rooms and a bathroom. The first, obviously Hope's room was beautifully decorated. Upon entering, his eyes were immediately drawn to a framed photograph on the wall – it was a photograph of the mural from his dream. Sara must have taken a picture of it when they moved out of June's place; he smiled as he realized what a sweet gesture that was.

The second room, their bedroom, was roomy and tastefully decorated. He recognized Sara's style and tastes; after all, he had known her for a long time and he'd spent many nights at her apartment on the Upper West Side. He noticed the painting Sara had spoken of over their bed. It was a beautiful rendition of Sara holding a newborn Hope in her arms and once again he was taken by her beauty as seen through his eyes.

The third door was closed and he opened it tentatively. It was the 'studio' as Sara had called it and it housed everything he could possibly need in order to paint and sculpt. He walked in and began to look around at the many pieces of original art on the walls all around the room; they were amazing. Whoever had painted these was an accomplished artist, someone who had something to say and the means to express his vision of the world. He smiled as he fully realized that _he_ was that man and that he obviously had a very happy and full life in order to produce such gems. They were mostly paintings of Hope at various ages, in various poses – outside playing, in Sara's arms, running in a field of flowers, laughing. Although he had no recollection of painting them, their mere existence was confirmation that Neal loved his daughter and his wife very much and that he enjoyed their life together.

He wished he could instantly get that feeling back but he knew he would have to fight to get there and that it would be a long road.

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Sara arrived home from work early in the afternoon and she and Neal sat together in the family room having a cup of tea. He was learning to shut his brain off and trust himself and as he walked through the kitchen, he'd let his instincts guide him right to the cupboard with the teabags and cups.

Sara looked exhausted; she'd been finishing things up at work, running back and forth to the hospital and taking care of Hope all on her own (all the while carrying the baby with her at all times). Neal wanted to take some of the load off but he too was limited by the lingering pain in his ribs and his cast making it difficult to get much done in the way of domestic chores. He stood and started poking around the kitchen looking for something simple he could throw together for their dinner.

'Why don't you let me make dinner' he said, as he rummaged through the cupboards looking for staples. 'How does spaghetti sound?' he asked as he peeked into the freezer spying a container of homemade sauce (probably something he made himself, he thought).

'You have to rest too!' said Sara as she stretched her legs out on the couch, kicking her shoes off

Neal looked over at Sara and he thought she looked amazing; being pregnant suited her. Her face glowed and although she seemed uncomfortable at times as she moved around, the pregnancy enhanced her beauty and grace rather than diminished it. She seemed to be taking her physical limitations in stride – although Sara had always been quite vain and had always given a lot of importance to clothing and shoes, she was obviously comfortable in the more relaxed style that her pregnancy dictated and it suited her just as well.

As he gazed at her, he was suddenly reminded of how great she felt in his arms and he thought back to the great sex they used to have. He had missed her and he was tempted to walk over to the couch and start something right there and then. He caught himself: it was one thing to have terrific, _casual_ sex with your sometime girlfriend but this was his wife and if he was going to be intimate with her, he wanted to make sure that it was based on something solid and long-lasting and not just some roll in the hay.

'So, what do you think of the house?' she asked, effectively breaking the mood

'It's a great house. I especially love my studio' he said 'I can see that I've come a long way' he added, quietly.

Sara got up and put her arms around him and for the first time, he felt her belly warm and round between them creating such intimacy he almost let out a sob. She looked up into his eyes with an unwavering look as she spoke: 'It's okay, Neal. It will all come back to you'

She sounded so sure of herself and he wanted so badly to believe her but he knew that he could not simply slip back seamlessly into this alternate universe without first resolving his inner struggles. He was torn between this 'new' life that seemed so foreign to him and the life he remembered, at June's with his anklet, his work with Peter, his adventures with Mozzie and his freedom. He knew himself enough to know that if he had chosen this life over time, he'd done it of his own volition not through any pressure from Sara or anyone else. What could have possibly happened during the past six years to bring him to this point, becoming a loving husband, a caring father, a responsible homeowner, a dependable citizen of the world?

Sara looked at him tenderly and she turned to kiss him and he let himself melt into the kiss – so familiar, yet so much more intense than he had ever felt when kissing Sara before. He held her tight and his hands began to move instinctively on her body, holding her, embracing her, needing to cling to her as if she alone could keep him from drowning, from falling into the abyss. After a moment, he got a hold of himself, not wanting to get carried away and he gently pulled away looking into Sara's beautiful face.

WCWCWC

Sara wanted to show Neal where Hope's school was located so they drove the few blocks over to pick her up after school. Neal noticed that they lived in a very family oriented neighborhood with parks and lots of green space. It wasn't unpleasant just different from the buzz of Manhattan with its arts and culture scene – a world he'd always thrived in. Sara waved to a few people as they drove through the neighborhood and he realized that these were all people he knew but just didn't remember.

Ridgeway Elementary School was about six blocks from their home and they arrived just as school was letting out. Hope was understandably excited to have her dad back home and she ran to them, hugging them both with her usual exuberance.

'Daddy, you came to get me' she shrieked

'Of course' Neal said, holding on tight and wishing his arm and ribs allowed him to pick her up and carry her. For now, he had to be satisfied with taking her hand and walking her over to the car as Sara looked on.

WCWCWC

'Why don't you go on up and check out the situation upstairs and I'll just finish cleaning up in here' Sara said as she put the last few dishes in the dishwasher.

Dinner had been pleasant, although a little tense, and the three of them had made small talk about Hope's school, what they might do on the upcoming weekend – including Rosalie's birthday party – and plans to have Peter and Elizabeth (and Satchmo) over for dinner Saturday night. Preparing the meal had had a calming effect on Neal as he took great pains to shut his brain off and move around the kitchen purely by instinct.

Neal climbed up the stairs. He could hear Hope in her room, getting ready for bed and he glanced and winked at her as he made his way to his bedroom – their bedroom! This was the room he slept in with Sara, every single night of his life. It was a nice room, plenty big with an armchair for reading and two dressers, his and hers. His eyes lingered on the chair for a moment and he had a flash memory of Sara sitting there crying while he fussed with something on the bed. He closed his eyes and tried to get a clearer picture. Sara was very upset and there was blood on the sheets. That was gruesome, he thought, as he made a mental note to ask Sara if that was a memory – if so, it wasn't a happy memory. Maybe he should let it go and not bring it up quite yet.

Neal looked through the closet in the bedroom. He recognized a few of the articles of clothing from years ago but mostly it was all stuff he'd never seen before. He noticed that his style had evolved somewhat over the years: he still had a number of suits that he had presumably brought over from June's but he seemed to have many more casual clothes. He guessed that being a stay-at-home dad didn't require much in the way of three piece suits. He found some pajama bottoms similar to those he'd always worn over the years and he slipped on a pair, careful to manoeuvre with his cast in the way. He went into the bathroom and saw three toothbrushes hanging from the toothbrush stand – he was going to have to ask Sara which one was his, he thought.

'Daddy, are you going to put me to bed?' Hope asked as she stepped into the bedroom, startling him. He was going to have to get used to living with two other people who could barge in at any time.

'Sure, go brush your teeth and I'll be right there' he said. Now, that sounded like a 'dad' kind of thing to say, he thought. He followed her into the bathroom and saw her pick up the purple toothbrush; one down and two to go... He figured Sara's was probably the pink one... He followed Hope to her room, unsure what the routine was and decided to follow the child's lead. She took a book off the bookshelf in her room and climbed up on her bed looking expectantly at her dad to follow suit. Neal got in next to her and looked down at her choice of books. Surprisingly, it was an art book on the Impressionists and Neal smiled a secret smile – _this_ he could deal with.

'Daddy, I want you to tell me the names of the artists, okay?' she said opening the book to a beautiful painting by Renoir. Neal began rhyming off names of paintings and artists and Hope listened attentively, repeating as they went. Sara had mentioned that she loved the arts and that one of their daughter's favorite outings was to any one of the New York museums. He resolved to take her out later in the week so they could continue to bond. After about fifteen minutes, Neal closed the book as he began to notice Hope drooping.

'You really like this book, don't you?' he asked, pulling her in for a hug

'It's my favorite' she said yawning

'Well, there'll be time for looking at books tomorrow but for now it's time to go to sleep' said Neal, looking into her sleepy eyes.

Hope suddenly lifted her hand and grabbed his nose, squeezing, before letting go and falling back on her pillow.

'Goodnight Hope' Neal said, kissing her forehead

When he returned to their bedroom, he found Sara brushing her teeth (with the pink toothbrush). She was already in her nightie and it was only 8:30. It had been an exhausting few days and she still had to go to work for a couple more so he went in to the bathroom to prepare for bed and returned to find her settled cosily on the right side of the bed – at least that hadn't changed, that had always been _her_ side of the bed.

He slipped in beside her, realizing that his left arm, the one with a cast was between them. He sensed that Sara wanted to cuddle so he lifted his arm and lying against it, he pulled Sara into him as he began to spoon her. She moaned and he had to hold back so that things wouldn't develop further – he wasn't ready to take things to the next level quite yet.

'Neal' she whispered 'I'm so glad you're home'

He wanted to say 'me too' but he had promised himself he wouldn't say anything he didn't truly feel – the stakes were too high; after all, this was his life and not some con he was pulling. He held her close, hand on her round belly, feeling her against him and the warmth of her body calmed him and centered him.

'Goodnight Repo' he said, reverting back to the nickname he had used years ago. He didn't know if he had used it in recent times, but it felt right. He could feel her grinning and realized he should always go with his instincts.

TBC

_Author's note: I realize that, as the story evolves, I'm using tons of references from my other stories (both from the __**Neal and Sara's Wonderful Adventure**__ and the __**Milestones**__ series). The stories are all part of an alternate universe I've created for these two characters and I'm a stickler for consistency. If you've read any of my other stories, you're probably getting some of those references. For a complete inventory, see my profile for a list of stories in chronological order and enjoy! _


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Neal made his way to the out-patient clinic where Allison had an office. He was thankful he didn't have to go back to the hospital for his therapy sessions. He'd been home for two days now and he'd had a multitude of what he was now calling 'flash memories' but they were often incomplete or confusing and he spent a lot of time validating them with Sara or with one of their friends. He was learning to trust himself and to try to relax – that was most often the time the memories came to him.

'Good morning' Allison said as she opened the door to her office and waved him in

'Hi' said Neal, smiling as he took his place in the armchair by the door

It was his first session since he'd left the hospital and he was looking forward not only to sharing some of his recollections but also getting Allison's insights into what he was feeling - as jumbled up as his feelings were.

'Well, how did the move back home go?' she asked. It was the obvious question.

'Boy, talk about a loaded question' answered Neal; there _was_ no simple answer

Allison just looked at him, waiting for him to go on.

'I've been home for two days now and the whole experience is very confusing' Neal began

'What do you mean by confusing?'

'Well, there are moments of pure clarity like instinctively knowing which of the keys on my keychain opens the front door, where the teabags are kept in the kitchen cabinet and the familiar feel of the mattress on our bed...'

'I'm sensing a 'but' Allison said, prodding him on

'But, some things are totally unfamiliar. The routines, you know, Hope going to school, picking her up, making dinner, Sara coming home from work. It's all so...' he paused, looking for the right word '...domestic'

'And that's bad because...'

'It's not bad, not necessarily. It's just that this change - from my old life to this life – it happened gradually over a period of six years and now I'm being asked to go from 0 to 100 in a few days and it's scary'

'That's a very insightful point, Neal' she said, nodding knowingly

'What about your relationship with Sara? How's that progressing?' she asked, observing that she was touching a nerve

'I'm afraid my being home might be making it worse for her in some ways' he ventured, not sure himself of what he was really trying to say

'How?' she asked

'She doesn't want to push me but I know she's anxious for us to go back to the way we were. I can tell it's tearing her apart. She's reaching out to me – you know physically – and... I've been holding back'

He stopped for a moment, laughing at the euphemism he had just used then, he continued 'I want us to have some physical intimacy but I don't want to lead her on.'

Talking about this aspect of his relationship with Sara was uncomfortable and he fidgeted slightly as he spoke. Allison just waited patiently for him to carry on.

'I've been using the cast as an excuse not to have sex but I really _do_ want to be intimate with Sara. It's hard to lie next to her and not give in to my feelings and urges. I care about her a lot except that before it was always casual and now she's my wife, shouldn't it be more than casual sex?'

'What do you mean?'

'I feel like my feelings should be stronger or at least clearer if I'm going to make love to my wife – not just have sex for the sake of sex. Do you know what I mean?'

Neal shrugged, clearly uncomfortable.

'Well, married people have sex for all kinds of reasons, because they want to feel close, express their feelings but sex feels good and sometimes, sex is just sex, even if you're married. What was your sex life like before?'

'It was amazing. Sara was always very adventurous and open and ... hot. I love being with her but until I can honestly tell her I love her in the way she deserves to be loved, I just can't...'

'And Hope?'

'She's amazing – I can't believe I had a hand in creating something so wonderful.' He smiled as he talked. 'But it's like she's someone else's kid, you know. She finds it hard when I don't remember something about the past. Like yesterday, she was upset because I didn't know which pajamas are her favorite. Really?'

'She's just a child and children have to learn to be sensitive to what others are going through' said Allison, by way of explanation

'Anyway, I'm working hard to build some new connections with her, like you suggested. I'm taking her to the museum later today. That's something we really connect with – our love of the arts'

'That sounds promising' said Allison 'Just don't push yourself so hard, Neal. It's going to take a long time to rebuild your relationships. You have to be patient and the people around you have to be patient, including Hope'

She changed the subject: 'Has being in the house elicited any new memories?'

Neal pulled out his journal and began to look at his notes.

'When I arrived at the house, I got a flashback to when Hope was about three years old and I took her trick or treating'

'Was it a factual memory or a memory based in feeling?'

They had begun to differentiate between memories that Neal had that were just facts and those that elicited emotions in him. It was important for Neal to continue to connect with his feelings around events rather than knowing the details. Those could always be provided by someone else but the feelings would ultimately be the key that would allow Neal connect with this 'new' life and contribute to his happiness.

'Both' he answered 'Hope was scared and I wanted to console her and I picked her up and carried her into the house'

'And how did you feel when you were remembering that?'

'Good... competent. Like I knew what to do to make Hope feel better'

'Any other memories?'

'Yeah, a disturbing one that I haven't had the nerve to bring up with Sara yet'

Allison looked at him intently as she waited for him to go on.

'When I was sitting in our bedroom, I had a flash of Sara sitting in the armchair by the bed. She was very distraught and for some reason, I'm fussing with the bed instead of comforting her'

'What's on the bed?' asked Allison, urging him to recall the details of what he had seen

'This is the gruesome part; there's blood all over the sheets and I'm cleaning it up'

'Did Sara ever say anything to you about having a miscarriage?' asked Allison

Neal did a mental head slap; why hadn't that idea occurred to him?

'No' he said slowly as the picture in his mind's eye began to make more sense.

'How are you feeling in that moment?'

'Just that I want to make things better and that it's urgent that I finish cleaning up so that she won't be so upset' answered Neal as another piece of his fractured past came into focus.

WCWCWC

Neal stepped out into the noon sun. It was a beautiful March day, cool but bright and he thought ahead to how he would occupy his time until it was time to pick up Hope from school at three thirty. He had promised her a quick visit to the Children's Museum at MOMA and he was looking forward to spending time alone with her. He had volunteered to pick up the present for her little friend Rosalie's birthday party the next day and Hope had given strict instructions as to the precise Hello Kitty figurines he was to buy. He thought ahead to Hope's birthday the following week and made a mental note to talk to Sara about what they should be getting her for her special day.

It was Sara's last day at Sterling Bosch and she'd had a rough time getting up that morning, exhausted from all the hoopla of the previous week. He worried about her and the baby; he needed to be more attentive to what Sara was going through and he began to think of ways he could better support her. The baby was coming in another two and half months and he wanted her to know he was there for her. It hit him once again, he was going to have a son, a baby boy that he could love and care for from day one. Although he had some glimpses into his relationship with Hope as a baby, the recollections were far from clear and he looked forward to starting fresh with his little boy starting with his birth.

Since his session, he had been breathing more easily than he had when he'd gotten up that morning. It was definitely helpful to talk with Allison and get some things off his chest – although talking with a young woman about his sex life was slightly uncomfortable.

As he stepped out of Toys R Us, he heard someone calling him from across the parking lot.

'Neal, hi' said the woman. She was in her forties, blond, short and plump and she had a pleasant smile.

'How are you' she said as Neal struggled to place her in his jumbled mind

'Good' he said – what else could he say?

'And how's Sara? I heard you guys are expecting again - that's amazing, considering everything. Look, tell her I said hi and that we have to get the 'chemo ladies' together again soon. I'll call her'

Neal waved her off and continued on his way. What did she mean 'considering everything' and who the hell were the 'chemo ladies'?

He ended up meeting Mozzie at one of his safe houses, bringing along one of Moz's favorites: a Masala Chai tea from Starbucks. They settled in to chat.

'So, how's life on the homefront?' asked Mozzie

Neal just shrugged.

'Neal, you love your life, is all I'm saying. I know you can't just snap out of it but believe me, I only want what's best for you and this is definitely what's best for you.'

'How did it start, Moz – the transformation from who I was to this?'

'It was mostly Sara getting pregnant, I guess. I wasn't thrilled at the time, as you can imagine. It brought out all these protective, loving feelings in you and for a while, I almost disowned you'

Neal laughed. 'So why didn't you?' he asked

'Sara. She gave you a lot of room to be yourself and she always shared you with me' he said shyly 'With time, you just gradually fell away from the life but she made of point of keeping me involved in your lives. Even now, I'll drop by and you'll give me a hand with something I'm working on and she'll just turn a blind eye because she 'gets' us but she also knows you'd never do anything to jeopardize your family'

'That's just it, Moz, I'm not _that_ guy at the moment. I would love a little offtrack adventure like we used to have. But I don't want to hurt Sara. Maybe it would be better if I went back to my old life...'

'I know it's confusing and that you can't just instantly change overnight, but give it a chance, Neal. This is really the life you were meant to live – white picket fence and all.'

TBC


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Neal picked Hope up as agreed at the sound of the school bell and they drove over to Manhattan to spend an hour together at the Children's Museum. She was obviously delighted to be spending time with her dad especially in this type of setting. She fluttered from one exhibit to the next, exuberant and excited as Neal pointed out the various pieces and their artists. Whenever he shared time with Hope doing something they both enjoyed, the interactions between them flowed effortlessly and he hoped that he could continue to hit the right notes with his daughter.

He looked at the time, realizing that Sara would be getting off work soon and he packed Hope up in the car and headed over to Sterling Bosch to surprise her with a drive home. It was insane to drive in Manhattan at rush hour but he plowed through and as he drove up, he saw Sara trudging along the sidewalk on her way to the train to take her back to White Plains.

'What are you two doing here?' she asked as she struggled to climb into the car. It was getting harder and harder for Sara to move around and Neal was still finding it odd to see her in her present state, although he thought she was even sexier than she'd been before.

'Just a little surprise' said Neal with a sly smile 'Huh, Hope?'

'Mommy! Daddy took me to the museum!' she called loudly from the back seat

'I know, lucky girl! So what are we doing about dinner?' Sara asked with a long sigh

Neal could tell she was exhausted. 'How about we pick something up and go home and watch a movie?' he suggested, off the cuff.

'Yay! Movie night' screamed Hope and he realized that this must be something they did from time to time.

Sara picked the food (Thai) and Hope picked the movie (Monsters Inc) and they settled in to watch and eat. By 8:00, Hope had fallen asleep and Neal sat rubbing Sara's feet to try to bring the inevitable swelling down. He was feeling good, settled, and he decided to just go with the flow and enjoy the moment, as foreign as it was to the life he remembered.

Sara sat up and struggling slightly, she pulled herself onto his lap as she slid her arms around his neck. God, she looked amazing and Neal wanted to make love to her so badly. She pulled him in slightly and instantly, she was kissing him in a way that left no doubt as to her intentions.

'I thought you were tired' said Neal, trying to play it cool and Caffrey-like

'Not _that_ tired' she said as she began to move on to his neck. Neal wrapped his good arm around her girth, feeling the warmth of her belly against him and he could feel himself stirring despite his resolve. He glanced over at their daughter who was sound asleep on the other couch and pulled Sara in for a deep, probing kiss.

'I'm not sure this is a good idea' he said, as he came up for air

'Why not?' she asked

Neal lifted up his arm, drawing attention to his cast and shrugged

'That's getting old, Neal' Sara said softly 'What's really going on?'

'I don't want to hurt you' he said simply, staring into her eyes

'I told you, you can't _hurt_ the baby, it's okay' she responded as she resumed kissing his neck... his ear... his mouth

Neal pulled away 'That's not what I meant' he said.

'What? You're not sure how you feel about me?' she asked, obviously hurt

'I just need a little more time' he said softly and he could see the longing and ache in her eyes and it broke his heart.

WCWCWC

Saturday dawned, their first weekend as a family (at least in Neal's world) and there were lots of 'family oriented' things to do. Neal thought back to the Saturdays he used to have, living at June's. He'd sleep in and maybe do some painting or get together with Mozzie. Sometimes he would have plans with Sara in the evening or he would pop in to visit the Burkes.

Suddenly, there was all this stuff that needed doing. Hope had been invited to her friend, Rosalie's birthday party, there were errands to run and he had to get things sorted for their dinner with the Burkes.

Sara was still looking exhausted so Neal offered to run Hope over to her friend's and pick up some groceries on the way back. Although she was putting on a brave face, Sara still seemed upset about Neal's rebuff from the night before. They had talked it out and he had tried his best to explain that, as much as he cared for her, he needed to work things out for himself before moving on to another level in their relationship. They had gone to sleep, holding each other, each wrapped up in their private thoughts.

He loaded Hope into the car and took off to run his errands. As he settled behind the wheel, he thought again about how strange it was to be living in suburbia and driving around in an SUV. Living in Manhattan meant hardly ever driving anywhere and he had always gotten around New York on foot or by using cabs.

The party ended at four and it was only 3:00 by the time Neal finished picking up groceries, so he figured he had time to run home and drop everything off before returning for Hope. He walked into the house noticing just how quiet it was – Sara must be napping, he thought as he quietly brought his purchases into the kitchen. He tiptoed upstairs and as he did, he could hear a soft whimpering noise coming from their bedroom. As he got closer, he realized that it was Sara, crying softly as she lay on their bed. He froze momentarily, feeling like crap and wondering if it was better to go in and talk to her or to give her some privacy; Sara was headstrong and she hated showing signs of weakness. Deciding on the latter, he retreated down the stairs quietly, opening and closing the front door as he walked past it.

'I'm back' he called. He hated to see Sara like this but he also knew that she needed to work all this out for herself. The changes in his behavior since he'd come home were hard on her and he knew she was finding his return difficult.

Within a few minutes, she came down, looking put together and she began poking around in the grocery bags Neal had just brought in.

'So, what did you decide on for dinner?' she asked, nonchalantly

'I went with pork, is that okay?'

'Sounds good. Oh, make that really nice recipe with cranberries' she suggested

'Sure' said Neal, he wasn't sure what that 'really nice recipe with cranberries' was but he'd figure it out

'So what time are Peter and Elizabeth coming over?' he asked as he continued to put things away with his one good arm

'I told them seven if that's okay with you. I thought we could feed Hope and send her off to bed with Satchmo and we could have dinner just the four of us – like old times'

'Sounds good. Oh, speaking of Hope, I'd better get going' said Neal as he gave Sara a quick peck and headed back out.

Dinner was nice – it felt almost normal. Neal had brought Sara over to dinner at the Burkes on a few occasions and he could tell by their interactions that the intervening years had helped solidify their friendship. He was particularly aware of how close Elizabeth and Sara seemed to be and he thought that was a good thing. Sara and Peter insisted on doing the clean-up so Elizabeth and Neal settled down in the living room with their coffee and Armagnac.

'So, how are you, really?' asked Elizabeth. She could always see right through him.

'Mmm, you know – it takes some getting used to' said Neal

Elizabeth nodded with a sad look in her eyes. 'The saddest part for me is that you two have been through so much and you're _so_ strong but you just don't remember that right now'

'Tell me about what we've been through' asked Neal, needing to understand

'Wow, where do I start? Well, Sara got pregnant quite by accident and she wasn't even going to tell you about it but you found out and everything seemed to change from then on. I remember one night at our place – you were so outraged that Sara was considering having an abortion without telling you. You instantly became this protective, doting father to be. You told me once that that was when you first realized you were in love with Sara.'

Elizabeth continued: 'You were on the internet every day, researching her pregnancy – every time we got together, you would go on about the baby's size, the fact that she had fingerprints, that she could hear music... on and on and on. But Sara loved it; she told me that every night you would lie in bed and talk and sing to the baby. That's when you really started to change – your capers didn't seem to mean as much to you, it seemed. And then, you two just got closer and closer and a few weeks before Hope was born, you proposed.'

'How did I propose?' he asked

She laughed. 'You remember the night on the roof of the FBI building when you took Sara up there?'

'Sure. I think I was falling for her already – even though I was conning her at the time' he said, thinking back

'Well, on the night you proposed you ordered takeout – the same exact menu as the night on the FBI roof – and you slipped her a fortune cookie with the words 'Will you marry me? while you flashed her an engagement ring.'

Neal smiled as he listened – the story seemed distant but familiar.

'And then, Hope was born and a few months later you were married at June's'

Neal let out a huge sigh. 'I'm angry, Elizabeth. I want all those precious memories back. It's not fair' he said, his voice full of emotion

'I know, sweetie. It isn't fair but it doesn't change that you and Sara still have each other' Elizabeth said, taking his hand

'But how can we share a life when we can't share the memories of what's made us what we are?'

'Well, some of it is coming back and more memories might still come but more importantly, if you decide you want your life back, then you just have to start rebuilding with new memories. You've already got some new memories just in the last week'

Neal nodded; there was still so much more he wanted to know about his life with Sara and Hope.

'Elizabeth, did Sara have a miscarriage?' asked Neal, suddenly serious

'I think maybe you should be asking Sara, don't you?' she asked looking him in the eye

'I don't want to upset her' said Neal 'but I need to know'

'Three years ago, Sara got very sick and you went through a really rough time'

Neal stared off in the distance and Elizabeth could see a memory forming in his eyes.

'She – had – cancer' he said slowly wondering where that had come from. 'Wow, that's what she meant – the chemo ladies' he continued, lost in his thoughts

'What?' asked Elizabeth

They were interrupted by laughter as Peter and Sara joined them. Neal was drawn to Sara's beautiful eyes once again, seeing the beauty and strength that had attracted him to her in the first place.

WCWCWC

Later, Neal and Sara lay together in bed as everything grew quiet.

'I bumped into a friend of yours yesterday at the toy store' Neal said quietly as he held Sara

'Oh yeah, who?' she asked, enjoying Neal's arms around her

'One of your chemo ladies' he said

'Oh - I guess you want to hear about that, huh?'

'Well, I think I've figured it out but I wouldn't mind if you filled in the blanks...' he answered

'It was three years ago. We were trying to have another baby but we weren't having any luck. I found out I had ovarian cancer'

'Janet...' Neal said, almost a whisper

'You remember Janet?' she asked

'Yeah, I do' Neal's mind was in overdrive as various bits and pieces started to come together

'Just before my surgery, we found out I was going to have a baby and I couldn't have the chemo treatments while I was still pregnant. You and I argued; you were adamant that I should have the treatments and I didn't want to give up the baby.'

She stopped as she looked into Neal eyes. 'It was the only night since we've lived in this house that we didn't sleep in this bed together.' Sara's voice was quiet and full of emotion.

Neal pulled her in tightly against his chest.

'You lost the baby. That was what I saw' he said, suddenly

'You saw?'

'I had a flashback – you were sitting there in the chair and I was changing the sheets on the bed. I didn't know what it was at first but now I understand'

Sara sighed, remembering.

'I'm sorry, for bringing it up' he whispered as he held her closer

'Oh, Neal, I think about it all the time. And you were there with me then; I wasn't alone. We got through all that together and we survived and our marriage was even stronger after that. And now, despite the odds, we're having this beautiful baby boy and you've been so excited since I found out I was pregnant'

Neal smiled at this and kissed her forehead. 'I _am_ excited Sara. Don't worry - I promise that no matter what, I'll always be there for the baby – and for Hope'

They lay for a while in silence and Sara couldn't help but wonder if they would survive _this _or if the fates had finally found a way of pulling them apart.

TBC


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Neal was having a dream - a really nice dream... he was making love to Sara and they were in this beautiful country cottage. He could smell the clean air and hear the loons in the distance as his hands reached out for his wife. The bed was soft and comfortable and Sara was warm and pliant in his arms. He could feel some urgency in his movements, an unusual intensity, and he began to moan as he held her close against his body feeling her melt in his touch.

Sara woke to Neal moaning gently. She turned towards him and he reached for her in his sleep. Suddenly his mouth was on hers, hungrily kissing her and her lips parted to accommodate his warm and insistent tongue. His good hand began to travel down her body, caressing her thighs, stroking her round belly and finally setting between her legs as she shifted to welcome his touch. Sara squirmed as his hands began their slow discovery and her breathing accelerated becoming ragged. His hands felt amazing on her and she didn't want him to stop. Neal groaned, saying her name under his breath and his hips began to roll as he climbed on top of her. Suddenly, his eyes flew open as he started to come to and he realized where he was and what he was doing.

All at once, footsteps were heard coming down the hall and their bedroom door flew open.

'Mommy, I'm scared' said Hope as she jumped on their bed

Neal quickly came to his senses as he returned to his side of the bed and gaped with his mouth open at Sara realizing what had just happened.

'What's wrong, honey?' asked Sara, trying to regain her composure

'I had a bad dream' cried Hope as she positioned herself between her parents

'C'mon' said Neal, lifting the duvet to invite her in. He looked over at the bedside clock – it was almost 5:00. 'Do you want to stay with us?' he asked as he put an arm around his daughter

Hope nodded and curled up in his arms as she let him comfort her.

Neal looked over at Sara, shrugging slightly and she let out a small giggle as she ran her fingers through Hope's hair.

WCWCWC

'You okay?' asked Neal, over breakfast. He was reaching out and rubbing her stomach as he spoke.

'Yeah, more than okay... Nice groping, Caffrey' she said appreciatively as she took a sip of her coffee

'Sorry... I was dreaming. We were in a cottage somewhere, the bed was huge and I could hear loons in the distance. It was night time and there was some... urgency... in the way we were making love' Neal was staring into the distance as he spoke, trying to get the details of the memory just right, not only the facts but the feelings associated with it.

'We did go away a few years back, up to cottage country in Canada. It was just before I started my chemotherapy. Sounds like you were remembering that' said Sara, helping to fill in the blanks

Neal nodded and sighed.

'It's so hard to have things come back in bits and pieces like that. I wish I could just wake up one day and suddenly, I'd remember every single part of the last six years. This is not fair to you and it's not fair to Hope' he said, taking Sara's hand

'You're right, it isn't fair. But it isn't your fault and I know you're doing your best' said Sara as she stared into his eyes

The next few days were a jumble of domesticity: Hope going to school, Neal with his therapy sessions and medical appointments; he had finally had his cast removed and replaced by a brace, giving him greater mobility. Sara was off work now and she took on more of the household chores, although in everyone's best interest, Neal continued to take the lead on the meal preparation front. Neal was feeling increasingly miserable as he watched Sara continue to struggle with their life as it was and he had absolutely no idea what to do about fixing it.

WCWCWC

Allison sat back, waiting for Neal to begin. She didn't like prodding him too much, preferring to let him raise whatever issues were on his mind. But he was being particularly quiet on this day and so she took the lead, hoping to jump start the conversation.

'What's on your mind, Neal?' she asked

He'd been home almost a week and the whole experience was turning into a wild roller coaster ride. The memories were flooding back but they were all jumbled up with no particular order making it difficult for Neal to make sense of them. Sara was doing her very best to help him through but he was still holding back and she knew it and he could see just how much that hurt - he could see it in her eyes.

'I feel like I'm hurting my family' he said, finally

'Why do you feel that way?'

'Well, I'm still holding back. I'm... not sure why. I feel like I'm waiting for this epiphany, this moment of clarity before I can completely commit to Sara. And I keep messing up with Hope'

'What do you mean by messing up?' she asked, leaning forward

'Just not remembering things... like, the other night, she got upset that I didn't read her bedtime story exactly the way I used to and then when I took her to school, she got angry because I didn't remember her best friend Olivia's name.' Neal was feeling his daughter's hurt as if it was his own.

'Neal, those are just facts - ' Allison said, hoping to help Neal see what was important

'But they're important to Hope; I can see it in her eyes' interrupted Neal, upset

'What about your feelings for her?' asked Allison, patiently

'I love her' he said spontaneously, not even taking the time to think. The clarity of his answer seemed to surprise even himself.

'Who wouldn't – she's incredible. Smart as a whip, funny, full of life. And every once in a while when I look at her, it hits me: she's _my_ daughter and I'm happy and freaked out at the same time. Sometimes, I think it would be better if I disappeared for a while. I'm not the husband Sara deserves or the father that Hope needs...'

'You're being very hard on yourself, Neal. This is one of those times you have to cut yourself some slack' said Allison

She waited for a moment, then continued: 'Any new memories over the past few days?'

Neal exhaled and grabbed his notebook. 'Tons. Sara and I talked about her miscarriage. I had a good talk with our friend Elizabeth and lots of things started to come into focus especially around the time Sara was sick three years ago. She had cancer, did you know?'

Allison shook her head 'I had no idea'

'Yeah, I have flashes. I remember her being very sick...and so strong. Sara says we came out of it stronger than before but she's the strong one, not me.'

'I'm sure that's not true, Neal' said Allison

'Sara... she's amazing. She's such a good role model for Hope.' He stopped for a moment, then continued 'I feel like my not remembering is forcing Sara to relive some tough times and that can't be good, especially in her condition'

'Neal, Sara wants to help; you have to let her in. She loves you' said Allison, hoping to bring Neal back from the edge

'One thing's for sure, I can't keep hurting her and Hope like this' said Neal

Neal returned home and went through the motions of making dinner and they sat together and ate. He could sense that Hope wasn't happy and that Sara, although always patient with him, was distraught because of her daughter's anguish and her husband's restlessness.

The menu included asparagus quiche and Hope fussed as she complained that Neal had prepared something she didn't like. He was feeling pulled in all directions – Sara and Hope's expectations of him as a husband and father, his jumbled up feelings, his incomplete memories of his new life and his recollections of his life from six years ago.

As the meal wrapped up, he offered to clean up while Sara went up with Hope to prepare her for bed. Frankly, he could use the time alone to try to work things out and he began the job of clearing the table and cleaning the kitchen – a familiar, mindless task.

Sara sat on the edge of Hope's bed as her daughter changed into her pajamas. Hope was feeling anxious and Sara could see the signs in the way her daughter's behavior had changed over the past week since Neal's return home. As a child, she was having more difficulty empathizing with what Neal was going through. Sara could see that Hope enjoyed being with him but she also sensed that her daughter knew he wasn't completely invested in their family life as he struggled to make sense of things.

'How come Daddy can't even remember that I don't like asparagus' Hope said, upset

'Honey, I've told you, Daddy isn't able to remember everything from before his accident' Sara explained

'But it's not fair!' responded Hope, pouting

'I agree and I think Daddy agrees most of all. We have to be patient with him. He's doing his very best, you know, and it's really frustrating for him, too'

Hope finished putting on her pajamas and sat next to her Mom, curling up under her arm.

'Mommy, I want Daddy back' said Hope looking up at her mom, her eyes big and bright

'Daddy _is_ back, sweetheart' Sara explained

'No, he's not. That's not Daddy. It's Neal' said Hope her voice quivering

'What do you mean?' said Sara, but she knew all too well what her daughter meant

'He looks like Daddy and he's nice to me but it doesn't feel like Daddy' said Hope, obviously heartbroken

'Oh, honey, we have to be patient. Daddy hit his head very hard in that taxi and some of his memories have disappeared from his brain for now but I know he's working very hard to remember everything'

'But Daddy said memories are in your heart' said the little girl

'He did, and it's true that we think about love and special memories coming from our heart but memories really come from our brain and Daddy's brain needs to heal some more before he can remember some of the things from before'

'I want Daddy back' Hope sobbed

'Oh, Hope, so do I' Sara replied holding her daughter against her

Neal listened in the hallway and his heart broke. What was he doing to his wife and daughter? He went into the bedroom and took out a bag from the closet and he began to stuff it with a few shirts, pants and toiletries. He was just finishing up when Sara walked in, having put Hope to bed.

She looked at Neal and then stared down at the bag in his hands.

'Where are you going?' she asked, alarmed

'Look, Sara with everything that's going on, I think it would be best for everyone if I went to stay at June's for a little while, just until I sort things out. I know this is hard on Hope ... and you' he was having trouble looking her in the eye as he spoke

Sara searched his eyes 'So you're just going to walk out on us?'

'No, no. I'm just putting a little distance between us and giving us all some room to breathe' he said, feeling the need to get out as soon as he possibly could

Sara walked up and put a hand to his face 'I don't need room to breathe. I need you.'

'I'm sorry. I can't be the person you need me to be right now. I need to work this out. I'm sorry' Neal took her hand away from his face, briefly placed his hand on her stomach and left the bedroom.

And then he was gone.

TBC


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Neal knocked timidly on the door of the mansion on Riverside Drive and waited as one of June's servants came to open.

'Mr. Neal' said Harriet as she recognized him through the door

'Hi Harriet. Is Ms. Ellington in?' he asked, stepping in from the cool night

'Neal, is that you?' came June's voice from the back of the house. 'Is something wrong? What are you doing here so late?'

'June, hi' said Neal, walking towards her and giving her a hug – a hug that lingered a little too long, signaling to June that all was not right.

'Come in darling' she said

'I'm sorry, I know it's late. I just wasn't sure where else to go' Neal said as he put down his bag by the door

'It's alright, you know you're always welcome here'

June led him to the living room and took Neal's coat as he let himself fall in an armchair, facing her.

'June, I couldn't stay in the house. Me, the way I am, it's killing Sara and Hope and I can't do that to them' Neal's voice was breaking as he spoke.

June just listened. 'Harriet, could you get us a cup of tea please?'

'Yes ma'am' said the woman as she headed for the kitchen

'Now, start at the beginning' said June, leaning forward to touch Neal's hand

'Well, I've been out of the hospital for a week and staying at the house' Neal began

She noticed that he didn't say his house.

'And I've been trying, you know, to be a dad and a husband but I don't know how to do that. I don't remember being a dad and a husband' Neal was falling apart in front of her.

June nodded.

'June, I'm so scared. What if I never remember? That's six years of my life... and it's Sara's life and Hope's life and our new baby's life...'

'Mozzie told me you had been remembering tidbits' said June, softly

'That's just it, it's random, useless...' said Neal, unable to finish

'Neal, you seem to be really hard on yourself' June responded, patiently

'Well, other people are depending on me and I don't know how to be the person they need me to be. I feel like I'm stuck in the past' Neal continued

'And so you ran back here to the only place that felt safe?' As usual, June was being the loving and caring woman who understood him and accepted him, no matter what.

'This feels more like my home right now' Neal said, quietly

'Well, darling, you're always welcome here. Are you wanting to stay for a little while?'

Neal shrugged. He didn't know what he wanted but he knew he felt safe and secure here.

'Look, it's late. Why don't you go on up to your old place and get some sleep and we can talk tomorrow? I'll be up for breakfast in the morning'

'Thanks June' said Neal as he kissed her goodnight and grabbing his cup of tea, he headed up the stairs

Neal opened the door to a very familiar sight. Everything was as he'd left it except for all his personal belongings which were now at the house. He looked around and saw the same furniture, his old bed, the kitchen table, bookshelves and knickknacks that had been there since he first moved in all those years ago. He walked around the apartment taking it all in, touching surfaces and looking out at the cool night through the French doors leading to the terrace – just as he remembered it. It was comforting yet still strange. This wasn't where he should be but neither was the house on Meadowbrook Street in White Plains. He felt like he was in limbo.

He made his way to the washroom and was jarred by a door next to the bathroom door. Suddenly, he knew what was behind that door and he eagerly opened it to peek inside. There it was, that mural he had dreamed about while he was in the hospital, the one that was in the photograph in Hope's room.

This had been Hope's bedroom as a newborn and he suddenly was flooded with the memories of painting that mural on the wall. The feelings associated with the mural suddenly overtook him and he remembered the love and anticipation involved in every single brush stroke as they awaited Hope's arrival. Some unclear memories began to come into focus: putting Hope down in her crib, rocking her in the rocking chair that had been in the corner, changing her diaper... But they were just flashes not complete memories and that discouraged him. He wanted to remember every little thing about his life so he could go back to the way it was before the accident.

He was tired and fell into bed, tossing and turning. Being here had elicited so many memories and he dreamt of making love to Sara, once again. It was definitely Sara but it didn't look like Sara. She had short brown curly hair and the sex was particularly hot – almost as if it were illicit or if they were doing something that was forbidden. They were in bed in an unfamiliar place – a hotel? – and he was ravishing her enjoying every inch of her body as if he had been away from her for a long time. He woke with a start and realized where he was, surprised at first as he looked out onto the terrace at the morning sun. The dream was fading and it didn't make sense but he was learning to trust his instincts and he took the time to write down some of the details in his notebook before if faded. Maybe it was a memory and not just a dream – he could never be sure.

He had a quick shower and grabbed some clothing from the bag he had packed. He was just stepping out of the back when he heard a knock at the door.

'Good morning' said June as she breezed into the third floor apartment carrying a tray with coffee and assorted pastries

'June, hi' said Neal

'And how did you sleep?' she asked

'Not bad, considering' Neal answered

'I brought breakfast' she said 'Just like old times'

Neal kissed her on the cheek by way of thanks and they sat facing each other at the table.

'So, are you going to tell me what's going on in that head of yours?' asked June, finally

'I wish I knew, June. I'm so confused. There's a giant hole in my life and I'm worried I'll never be able to fill it'

'What does your therapist say about that?' June asked, staring into his eyes

'That I should relax, trust myself, let people tell me things that might trigger other memories'

'So, do you remember leaving here and moving to your new house?' asked June, sipping her coffee

'No' Neal said, simply, resigned to another hole in his past

'It took forever for you and Sara to find the right house. You were very particular about the kitchen being just right and Sara wanted the best commute to work' June said as she recalled the events leading up to their move

Neal listened as he sipped his Italian roast. June's voice was melodic and he could feel himself being lulled by its pleasant sound.

'You moved out when Hope was almost a year old. You had your wedding here, downstairs'

'Sara told me the story but except for the wedding cake, I don't remember anything' said Neal, sad

'Well this might help' said June as she took out a piece of paper 'These are the wedding vows you wrote, I found them after you moved out and I always meant to return them'

Neal looked down at the piece of paper, recognizing his handwriting and took it from her, tucking it into his shirt pocket. 'Thanks, June. Can you tell me about the beginning – with Sara. I think that's the key, remembering how I fell in love with her...'

'Well, I think if you are truly honest with yourself, you'll find that you've loved Sara for a lot longer than you care to admit. You confided in me, as far back as when she tried to have you arrested for stealing that envelope from her, that you were attracted to her. When you came back from Cape Verde, you started seeing her again and within a few months, she was here most of the time. She was seriously hurt in a recovery and just around that time, she found out she was pregnant. She actually confided in me that she'd gotten pregnant the night of my birthday party. You were really falling for Sara, I could tell by the way you had looked at her that night – and you let your guard down and had way too much wine. Anyway, Sara didn't give me the details but I deduced that that was the night she got pregnant.'

Neal settled back and listened intently.

'She was scared that you weren't ready for such a big commitment and she didn't want to tell you about the baby but you ended up finding out while she was in the hospital'

'I _do_ remember that doctor in the emergency room asking if I was the baby's father when he updated me on Sara's condition. I remember feeling confused about having a baby – excited and nervous at the same time' Neal said, remembering

'Well Sara was afraid that this development would make you feel trapped and she asked for my advice'

'What did you tell her?' Neal asked, smiling as he imagined Sara, unsure of anything. She was always so sure of herself.

'What I always do – to follow her heart. When I heard, after the fact that she was keeping the baby, I knew you had managed to convince her that you were ready to make a commitment'

'And now, I feel like I have to make that commitment all over again, to Sara, to Hope, to the new baby'

'And that's what's scaring you?' June asked, looking into his eyes

'I don't know if I'm up to the task. What if I let them down. There's just so much at stake' Neal said with a faraway look in his eyes

'Well, all I can say is that you love Sara very much. Try to get to that place again, Neal. I can tell you that you were very happy in your marriage and you adored being a father to Hope. Sara told me that every night of her pregnancy, you would tell her some inane fact about the baby and you would talk to Hope and sing to her before you went to bed. The transformation in you was incredible'

'And now, with this second baby, I'm not even around. That doesn't seem right' Neal said. He thought about the last few nights, sharing a bed with Sara and how he had begun, instinctively, to talk to her belly and hold the baby before they went to sleep. He knew Sara needed more but she accepted the limits Neal had set and his need to hold back from any further physical contact - although he could feel her aching for it.

Neal had been dreading it but he knew he had to explain things to Hope. He had disappeared without any explanation and she deserved to hear things honestly from her dad. He called Sara and asked if he could pick her up from school so he could have a chat with her.

'Sure, if that's what you want' Sara responded. She was being very understanding and supportive but he could hear the sadness in her voice as she spoke.

'She deserves an explanation – or however much of an explanation I can provide...' said Neal 'How are _you_? How's the baby?'

'I'm okay but we missed you in bed last night' she said, wistfully. Sara thought that she and Neal had been making headway the last few nights since he had taken to rubbing Sara's belly and speaking softly to his son. She had been encouraged by this new development, remembering back to how he'd been before the accident and she'd been hoping it would bring them closer.

'Sara, I'm sorry I can't just flick a switch and go back to the way I was three weeks ago. You have no idea how much I wish I could' he said, feeling the emotion rise and trying to keep things together

'It's okay, Neal. I love you and I believe in you; I know you'll find your way back to us. Just promise me you won't give up, okay' she said, her voice breaking

'I promise...' Neal said and it was barely a whisper. He wasn't able to continue so he hung up and began to cry.

The school yard was bustling as it always did as the children prepared to take the school bus or begin their walk home. Neal spotted Hope coming out of the school and called to her. She looked up, surprised and excited and ran to him as he made his way towards her.

'Daddy, what are you doing here?' she asked as she wrapped her arms around his waist

'I thought I'd surprise you and take you out for hot chocolate' Neal said, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and guiding her towards the car June had lent him for the occasion

'Did we get a new car?' asked Hope, as her eyes brightened

'No, I just borrowed it from Grandma June' he said as he buckled her in and prepared to drive away

'Daddy, where were you this morning?' Hope asked as they settled in front of their hot chocolate

'I was at Grandma June's' Neal said, simply

'Why? You were supposed to walk me to school' said Hope, eyes bright and oh so blue

'I know, I'm sorry. I left last night and you were already asleep' Neal said by way of explanation, but he knew she needed more.

'You know how Mommy and I explained to you that I hurt my head in the accident and that I was having trouble remembering things' he continued as Hope nodded, taking a sip of the warm brew

'Well, I thought it might be easier for everyone if I tried to do my remembering away from the house for a little while' said Neal, looking intently at his daughter – gauging her reaction

'But why? Mommy and I can help you' she said, in the disarming way children had of stating facts so plainly

'And you do help me... but sometimes, I feel like I make you sad even though I really, really don't want to' he explained, hoping it was making more sense to her than it was making to himself

Hope just looked up at him, eyes wide 'Will you still come to my birthday party?' she asked

'Of course, I'll be there and so will Uncle Mozzie and Auntie Elizabeth and Uncle Peter and Grandma June' he droned on as he tickled her with the mention of every new name

'Okay' said Hope, giggling 'are you going to take me home, now?'

'You ready?' he asked and suddenly, he wished he was going home with her.

TBC


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

Neal dropped Hope back home following their little chat. Sara invited him to join them for dinner and it took everything Neal had not to accept. As he stood at the front door saying goodbye to his daughter, the house felt suddenly so warm and inviting. As well as his growing feelings for his daughter and his wife, he was now drawing on his new memories from the last week and he could easily have slipped into the routine if he'd let himself. But he knew that wasn't fair – it would be a selfish, impulsive thing to do and until he could commit one hundred percent to his family, he knew he was better to stay away.

He made his way back to June's knowing full well that this was no longer his home. Neal was feeling rudderless, unfocussed and he wondered if being away from Sara and Hope was really the best solution. It had to be, for now, he thought. He didn't want to keep seeing the disappointment in his daughter's eyes every time he looked at her. He looked forward to his next session with Allison; he hoped that she would be able to help him deal with all these conflicting emotions he was feeling.

The following morning, Neal rose with thoughts of Hope - her birthday was a couple of days away and he began to wonder about the best gift for her. She loved books and she also loved the arts. Neal thought back to her little work area in his studio; he wished he could be there right now, painting and sharing time with her.

His mind wandered and he began to think about their little boy. What would _he_ be like, he wondered. A boy, so different - he was used to having a daughter but a son... He backtracked – yeah, he _was_ used to having a daughter, he thought. His relationship with Hope was increasingly uncomplicated and flowed without effort and his feelings for his daughter were clearly coming into focus. They shared a similar sense of humor and he enjoyed the moments spent in her presence. What really hurt as far as Hope was concerned, was the giant, gaping hole he had in his recollection of her over the past five years. He wished he could remember each and every moment and although he had begun to piece together a number of recollections, he wanted more – he wanted the memory of every minute of every day.

He thought of picking up the phone and calling the house but he looked up at the clock and realized he would have to do it later; he had an appointment with Allison in thirty minutes.

WCWCWC

'I left Sara and moved back into my old apartment' Neal said sheepishly

Allison looked up at him, trying not to show emotion but surprised nonetheless.

'When did _this_ happen?' she asked, her voice even

'A couple of nights ago' Neal went on, without emotion (just the facts, ma'am...)

'And what triggered that?' she asked. Allison feared that Neal was getting scared and was beginning to build a wall around his emotions

'I overheard Hope and Sara talking when Sara put her to bed. Hope was really upset about me not 'acting' like her dad and she even said 'he's Neal, not Daddy' and I just couldn't stand hurting her like that anymore'

Neal's voice was becoming shaky.

'Did you think it would hurt any less if you left?' she asked, in that way she always had of cutting to the chase

Neal considered what she'd just said but remained silent.

'Or were you just running away so you wouldn't have to _see_ the hurt'

_Bam_, he thought (damn she was insightful)

'Well, at least this way, she doesn't have to be disappointed every time she looks at me. You know, out of sight, out of mind' said Neal in that way he had of rationalizing. He was falling into his old patterns, putting on a mask – the old Caffrey mask that kept him from getting hurt – but also kept him from having meaningful relationships.

'You don't believe that, do you, Neal?' Allison asked, in her gentle way of making him face things head-on

Neal looked embarrassed.

'Have you talked to Hope since you left?' asked the therapist

'I took her out and explained it to her as best I could but she doesn't understand why I had to leave' Neal said, shaking his head at the mess he seemed to be making of things

'And what about Sara?' asked Allison

'She's being terrific; giving me the space I need but she's heartbroken and it's increasingly hard for me to talk to her. I guess since I've been at June's, I just don't feel like I'm moving ahead; I feel like I'm in limbo. And I miss them both – well actually, all three of them' Neal said quietly

'So what's next, Neal?'

He looked at Allison, totally lost. 'I have no clue'

'Well, if you feel the need to be on your own for a while so you can eventually move ahead, then it's not _necessarily_ a bad thing but if this is a way of avoiding things, you might want to re-think your strategy' offered Allison 'Why don't you think about that and we'll talk again tomorrow?'

Neal nodded, feeling like he wasn't getting anywhere. He left her office disappointed – he was looking for a quick fix, as always, but he wasn't getting a free pass on this. He wondered if he had been too impulsive, leaving his family when he did. He wanted to run back to them but he feared hurting them again and that, he just couldn't bear.

As he prepared for bed, Neal stumbled onto the sheet of paper June had given him the morning before – his wedding vows.

He nervously unfolded the piece of paper, hoping it would trigger some memory but so afraid it wouldn't. These were the words he had spoken to Sara on their wedding day, on the day that he had made a lifelong commitment to her. Perhaps, they would give him some insight into his innermost feelings as he had prepared to pledge his love and devotion to her. He sat down and began to read:

'_My beautiful Sara, this might not sound like the most romantic thing to say to your new bride but you're my anchor – not in the 'ball and chain' kind of way but in the way you've helped me to become centered and grounded. I hid for a long long time, beneath my smile, beneath my charm and practically everyone I ever met let me get away with it – but not you. You saw me for who I really was and as scary as it was at the time, you held a mirror to my face and forced me to see the good that was there instead of just the bad I had tried to cover up for so long. I've been fluttering my whole life, looking for someplace to land, somewhere to call home and with you and Hope, I am finally home, safe, secure and grounded. Thank you for that, it's so much more than I ever thought possible and I promise to spend the rest of my life being the husband you deserve and the father our daughter needs to grow safe and wise. I promise to love you and honor you for the rest of our lives and to stand by you in good times and in bad. You are my soul mate, Sara and now that I'm home, I'm never leaving'_

Neal put down the piece of paper, overcome with emotion. He closed his eyes and he forced himself to recall the pictures he had seen from the wedding, imagining himself saying those words, facing Sara in front of all their friends. He could see her face; she was crying, overcome by emotion. The sights and sounds and smells and emotions of that moment came flooding back. He was overcome with the happiness that he felt at that precise moment and a sense of well-being permeated his whole being. The memory began to dissipate slowly but it left Neal with a sense of calm and contentment. He slept, a healing, dreamless sleep as he let the recollection take root and continue to seep through his subconscious mind and solidify into clear memories.

Neal was awakened by Mozzie who barged in, just like in the old days, carrying coffee but no apology.

'Moz! What time is it?' Neal said as he rolled out of bed

'Almost noon! Wake up sleepy head. Listen, I was just over at the Burkes and Hope is over there' Mozzie said, between sips of coffee

'What do you mean? Visiting?' Neal asked. It was a school day and Hope shouldn't be at the Burkes.

'Apparently, Peter took Sara to the hospital last night' said Mozzie

'What? Why didn't anybody call me?' said Neal as he grabbed his phone to dial the Burkes' home

Elizabeth answered on the third ring.

'Elizabeth, Mozzie says Hope is over there. What's going on?' he said as he heard her voice

'Sara's in the hospital' she answered, evenly

'Why? What's wrong? Is it the baby?' Neal was getting more concerned by the minute

'She was having contractions so Peter and I took her in' explained Elizabeth

'Contractions? But she's not even seven months yet. Why didn't you call me?' Neal asked, upset

Silence.

'Did you want to be called?' asked Elizabeth. Her voice seemed cold and distant and it stung Neal.

'Yes, of course. Where is she now?' Neal's voice went from concerned to frantic

'She's still at the hospital. They're keeping her in one more night'

'Which hospital?' Neal asked as he began to pace the apartment

'White Plains' she said quietly

'And Hope is at your place?' Neal was pacing like a caged animal

'Yes' answered Elizabeth, curtly

'I'll come and get her; she should be home with me' said Neal, without thinking

'Neal, you can't keep toying with Sara and Hope's emotions' said Elizabeth

'Elizabeth!' Neal said louder than he expected and with the most lucidity he'd felt since his accident, 'Sara's my wife and she's carrying my son and Hope is my daughter. Just because I don't remember every single detail of our lives doesn't change that. Can I talk to Hope?'

Elizabeth reluctantly handed over the phone to her goddaughter.

'Daddy?' said Hope in a shaky voice

'Hi sweet pea, you ok?' he asked, concern filling his voice

He could hear her crying softly.

'Look, I just found out what happened to Mommy. I'm going to go see her at the hospital and then I'll come and get you and bring you home, okay?' he said, taking charge of the situation and hoping to reassure her

'Okay, Daddy' she said, obviously upset

'Now, can I talk to Elizabeth?' he asked, softly

'Auntie Elizabeth' he heard as Hope handed the phone over

'Look, I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound ungrateful and I know I've taken myself out of play here but I care about what happens to my family' Neal said with clarity

'I'm sorry, Neal. We should have called you. It's just... everything is so messed up – I didn't know what you wanted'

'Neither did I, Elizabeth' he said quietly 'but I'm starting to figure it out'

TBC


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

Sara lay in the hospital bed, slipping in and out of sleep. The room she was in was large enough to accommodate six to eight patients requiring observation and there was constant monitoring by the nurses, making any kind of sound, uninterrupted sleep impossible.

The last few days, since Neal had left the house, had been exhausting both physically and emotionally for Sara. She had tried to keep things on an even keel for Hope's sake. She couldn't blame Neal; she could see the anguish in his eyes and she knew that he was really struggling with the situation. She knew her husband well and she knew he was hurting as he tried to do the right thing for all of them. But she missed him – whenever things had been rough in their lives, he had always stood by her and supported her and she had always done the same for him. Not having him beside her made things all the more difficult. Hope was a child; she couldn't understand or empathize with what her dad was going through and Sara struggled to help her see that her dad loved her very much but was coming to grips with the large hole in his recollections which for Neal also meant a huge hole in his heart.

After dinner, the night before, she had begun to have contractions and although she had been through this once before, she couldn't help but worry considering the fact that she was only six and a half months along. She remembered having Braxton-Hicks contractions in her first pregnancy but they had come much later and she worried that this was much too early to be good news.

She had debated whether or not to call Neal – after all, he was her husband and the father of their baby. He had been very considerate since he had come home but his sudden departure from the house had put a different light on things. Neal had told her in no uncertain terms that he felt the need to step away from their day to day life and she wondered if calling him was the best thing to do; on the other hand, this was Neal's baby and he had a right to know. As she considered the best course of action, Elizabeth had called to check in on her and the next thing she knew, Peter and Elizabeth were whisking her off to White Plains Hospital to be checked out.

Lying there now, she wondered if she had made the right decision; Neal had been struggling but she knew deep down that he cared for her and their son. The door to the observation unit opened and she looked over, once again hoping against hope that Neal would find his way to her.

Neal arrived at White Plains Hospital without remembering any of the drive over. He was worried about Sara and the baby and he was upset that he had not been informed of the situation when it first happened. Who was he kidding, he thought as he drove, he wasn't entitled to be so self-righteous. He was the one who had walked out on his family; how could he expect to be kept in the loop when he had behaved with such wanton disregard for what they were going through. Sara was his wife, the mother of his children and he couldn't bear the thought of anything happening to her. They had waited over four years to have this baby and now, because of his disregard for everyone's welfare, the baby they had wanted for so long might be at risk.

Neal parked the car and walked purposefully to the admissions desk.

'My wife was brought in last night' – suddenly the term 'wife' didn't sound so foreign as it passed his lips

'Sara Ellis, hum, Sara Caffrey' he corrected himself

'She's in the observation ward, down the hall to your left' the woman pointed as Neal rushed off

Neal peeked in and was intercepted by a nurse asking what he was doing there.

'My wife is in here – Sara Caffrey?'

'Right over there' she pointed to a bed in the open ward

Neal rushed over just as Sara turned in the bed; he could see relief in her eyes as she saw him walking towards her and he quickened his step to close the distance between them.

'Neal? What are you doing here?' she said as her eyes widened at the sight of him

'Where else would I be? Sara, why didn't you call me?' he said, brushing away a strand of hair and kissing her forehead

'I just didn't know how involved you wanted to be in our lives right now' said Sara weakly but obviously relieved to see him

'Oh, Sara, I'm so sorry. I know I'm giving you mixed messages but I've been so worried since I talked to Elizabeth. What's going on with the baby?' he asked, concerned

'Just some contractions, you know Braxton-Hicks – like last time' she said as she let him take her hand

Of course, he knew. He suddenly remembered that Sara'd had Braxton-Hicks contractions during her pregnancy with Hope. They had driven to Lenox Hill in the middle of the night when Sara was about 37 weeks along, only to be returned home to continue waiting for their special delivery.

'I _do_ know' he said, slowly, remembering that night - he had been an absolute mess as they had rushed to the hospital.

'Are they releasing you soon?' he asked, brushing the hair from her forehead

'They want to keep me another night. My blood pressure was a bit high and they wanted to monitor it before they let me go' said Sara

He gently rubbed her belly as he spoke: 'This is all my fault' said Neal 'I've upset you'

'No, it's not you, you're doing the best you can; I know that. It's just the situation. I miss you Neal' she said as she touched his face gently and her voice broke

'I miss you too. Is it okay if I sit with you for awhile?' he asked, gently

'Is that what you want?' she asked softly

He nodded vigorously; there was no doubt in his mind this is where he wanted to be

'Is it okay if I bring Hope home later? I don't think she should be staying at the Burkes when she could be in her own bed'

As he spoke, Sara caught a glimpse of the loving man she married and the devoted, caring father he was to their daughter.

'What, you'll take her home?' Sara asked, confused

'Sure, if that's okay with you. I could make her dinner and put her to bed' he answered

'And sleep over?' she asked

'Of course, I could be back in the morning for you after I get her off to school.' Suddenly, things were very clear for Neal and he knew where he needed – wanted – to be.

'I'd like that. Thank you Neal' she said as she let a tentative smile spread to her lips

They sat quietly for awhile with Neal holding her hand. She looked so vulnerable and suddenly he was overcome with love for her and their baby.

Neal looked at her as he kissed her knuckles: 'I love you Sara' he said quietly

WCWCWC

'So you liked that macaroni and cheese I made, huh?' Neal asked as he sat up on the bed next to his daughter

'You make the best macaroni and cheese, Daddy' said Hope, eyes big and bright as she looked at her dad

'So what story do you want tonight?' asked Neal, getting comfortable on the bed

'I don't know, you pick' said Hope

'How about...' Neal reached over and grabbed a book from the bookshelf 'this one'

'I love that one' she said, looking up at her dad

'I know' he said simply as he began to read

Neal had chosen 'I'll love you forever'. The book had been a gift from her Uncle Mozzie and it told the story of a parent's overwhelming love for her child throughout the years. As he read, he knew with certainty that Hope would always be his little girl, no matter her age and that he would always be there to look out for her and make sure she was safe and happy.

As he prepared to tuck her in, Hope gave her dad a big hug

'Daddy, I'm scared' she said, squeezing him tight

'What are you scared of, sweet pea?' he asked as emotions began to rise in his chest

'I'm scared that you're never coming home' she admitted

'Oh, Hope' he said holding her close and feeling her begin to sob 'I'm working really really hard to come home, but I'm scared too'

'But grownups aren't supposed to be scared' she sniffled

'Sure they are, they just get scared about different things, that's all' admitted Neal trying to keep his emotions in check

'What are you _scared_ of?' she asked as she looked into his eyes, blue on blue

'I'm scared of hurting you and hurting Mommy' Neal said, realizing how good it felt to get this off his chest

'What do you mean?' Hope looked up confused

'Well, I know that I hurt you a lot when I moved out and I don't want to hurt you again' Neal explained

'Then don't' she said simply

He kissed her tenderly and tucked her in, promising he was nearby if she needed him and telling her to count on his world famous pancakes for breakfast.

Neal lay in bed, acutely aware of Sara's absence and wishing she could be back in their bed, in his arms. Although his memories were coming in fits and starts, the feelings were clearer than ever and he was beginning to realize that that was the only thing that was truly important.

Bright and early the next morning, Neal got Hope organized for school and he returned to the hospital to collect Sara. She had been given the green light to go home and as long as she rested and didn't do any strenuous activity, she would be fine.

They arrived at the house and Neal prepared a cup of tea for them while Sara sat on the couch in the family room watching him. She loved him so much and she could feel that he was slowly making his way back to them. She didn't want to put any pressure on him; she had learned long ago that Neal needed to make decisions in his own good time and if he was going to make his way back to his family, she wanted him to be one hundred percent certain of his decision.

They sat quietly, with Sara's head on his shoulder and Neal's hand on her stomach. This felt right and now that his feelings for his wife and daughter were clearly coming into focus, he couldn't imagine being anywhere else.

'I was supposed to have an appointment with Allison yesterday but I put it off so I could come to the hospital. Do you think you'd be okay for a couple of hours if I went and met with her now?' he asked, looking into her eyes

'Of course, I'm fine. I'm going to have a nap, anyway' Sara smiled at him as she spoke

'I could still pick Hope up from school and make dinner for you' he added, tentatively

'Sure, that would be great' said Sara, relieved to know Neal would be around. She tried not to read too much into it. If there was going to be a home coming, it had to be when Neal was ready and not because he was feeling guilty or pressured in any way.

Neal put his mouth down to her stomach and kissed her baby bump as he ran his hands around the edge of her belly. He looked into her face and saw a tear forming. He wiped it and kissed her eyelid tenderly, then the other and finally, her lips. It was a chaste kiss but it was full of longing and promise and Sara held on to that as she watched him stand to leave.

'I'll be back as soon as I'm done' he said, simply

TBC


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

Allison's office was quiet and calm and Neal settled in for this session feeling confident and optimistic.

'So I heard you postponed your appointment yesterday because Sara was in the hospital' said Allison

'Yeah, sorry about that. She had some contractions and I wanted to be with her. Hope was shipped over to the Burkes and I didn't want her staying there when she could be home with me' he said, matter of factly

Allison just raised an eyebrow and counted to five: 

'So in other words, you behaved just like a loving husband and father would? And how did that feel?' she asked, noting Neal's confidence seemed to have returned

'Natural' he said without hesitation 'It just felt like the right thing to do and I didn't analyze it, I just did it'

'Right as in 'the appropriate thing to do' or right as in what you 'wanted' to do?' she asked

'Both, actually. Sara's my wife and she's carrying our baby. I want to be with her and take care of them both' said Neal, without hesitation 'And Hope, she shouldn't be penalized and carted around – she should be at home with her mom and I'

'And how's Sara, now?' asked Allison

'She's fine. Just some Braxton-Hicks contractions and a peak in her blood pressure but if she stays calm, everything should be fine. I'm going to go back and make dinner for them and make sure Hope is settled in for the night so Sara can rest' said Neal

'So, are you still living at the apartment?' Allison asked – hoping to bring Neal another step further

'Technically, yes. I spent the night at the house last night to be with Hope but I haven't officially moved back in' he said, hesitant and even to his ears it felt like the wrong answer

'And how is that feeling now?' she probed

'Not so good' Neal admitted

'Does the apartment feel like your home?' she asked, probing

'No' he said slowly 'it doesn't'

'So why aren't you going home?' she asked, simply

Neal took a moment to put into words the reason for his uncertainty 'Because I love Sara and I love Hope and I don't want to mess it up a second time'

'This is first time I've heard you say that you love Sara' said Allison – nothing escaped her.

'I just realized yesterday, seeing her in that hospital bed, that I've loved her all along. I was afraid I might lose her or that something might happen to the baby. We've waited a long time for this little guy and I just want to make sure he's safe.' Neal spoke softly. It was as if he was hearing someone else speak those words and he realized the depth of his feelings as he spoke.

'What makes you think you would mess it up if you went home?' asked Allison, still pushing

'I don't know, I just can't bear the thought of disappointing Sara and Hope again' Neal's mind was working overtime and he was beginning to lose touch with his feelings again – letting his mind take over.

'Then don't' – this was the second person in the last 24 hours who'd made that statement, he thought remembering his conversation with Hope from the night before

'What do you mean?' Neal asked

'Why are you putting so much pressure on yourself to remember every little detail? And why would you be depriving yourself and your family of being together? Just follow your heart and let the rest fall into place' Allison explained

'But how do I know for sure that I won't panic and run again?' Neal's mind was in overdrive, once more

Allison looked at him, biting her tongue waiting for him to come to some realization on his own.

'I'm letting my mind rule my heart' he finally said

'Your words' she said simply

Neal stepped out of Allison's office and although he was still afraid of not living up to expectations, he realized he desperately wanted to make his way back to his family and to his home. He didn't want to mess it up and that meant taking his time, but the thought of being with Sara, Hope and the baby filled him with joy and he looked forward to spending the evening with them while things continued to percolate in his mind.

Being with Sara had been so much easier over the past twenty four hours with him not second guessing everything he said and did. He could feel Sara beginning to relax and the trust between the two of them start to grow as he continued to let his guard down and be honest about his feelings.

Just as he prepared to make his way back to check on Sara, Neal's cell phone rang insistently and he glanced at the screen – private number it read.

'Hello' he said, unsure about who was calling – wasn't that why they had call display – to know who was calling?

'Mr. Caffrey, I'm calling from Ridgeway Elementary School'

'Yes?' Neal said, suddenly concerned

'Sir, your daughter's had a bit of an accident at recess and we took her over to White Plains Hospital a few minutes ago. Can you please meet us there?' said the voice

'Accident - what kind of accident?' stuttered Neal, standing bolt upright, ready to go

'She bumped her head, I believe - '

Neal hung up and immediately flagged down a cab, calling home as he went. He got voice mail and cringed.

'Sara, I'm on my way to White Plains Hospital, Hope's had an accident at school. Stay put and I'll call you as soon as I know anything' he all but screamed into his phone as he stepped into a cab

The ride back to White Plains seemed to take forever and his mind was in high gear as he imagined all the possibilities. He arrived at the hospital and ran towards the reception desk in the emergency room.

'My daughter was just brought in' he said out of breath

'Just a second, sir' said the clerk who was on the phone

Neal was in a panic as he looked around. Finally, she looked up at Neal and gave him her full attention

'Full name?' she asked as she began to look through some forms on her desk

'Hope Elizabeth Ellis-Caffrey' Neal said without hesitation

'How old is she?'

'She's five' Neal all but spat out

'Birthdate?'

'March 27th, can I see my daughter, please' The longer this took, the more Neal was in a panic

'Sir, has your daughter been to this hospital before?' asked the clerk

Neal hesitated then spoke 'Yeah, June 14th two years ago, she tumbled down the stairs and we brought her in ... and hum, also when she was two months old, we brought her in because she had a high fever after her vaccinations' Neal wondered where the hell that all had come from but he didn't care at the moment, he just wanted to see if Hope was alright.

'You can go to examination room 17E, just down the hall' said the woman finally.

He turned to make a mad dash in the direction she had pointed to when he heard his name being called frantically.

'Neal' Sara called as she rounded the corner

He turned just as Sara arrived, obviously anxious and upset. She ran to him and he opened his arms to hug her, spontaneously.

'Sara, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be resting' he said, pulling her along with him

They found the room and burst in, Neal, a step ahead of his wife, just as Hope turned to face the door. She was sitting on an examination table and someone was seeing to her knee.

'Daddy' she screamed as she saw Neal and she began to cry. Neal made his way over to her and put his arms around his daughter.

'Sweet pea, you okay?' he asked, relieved to see her conscious and seemingly in no immediate danger

'Mommy' Hope cried, spotting Sara coming in behind Neal

'What happened?' Neal asked, looking at the emergency room doctor who was tending to Hope

'The school brought her in. She apparently fell off the climber at recess and hit her head and her knee. She has a nasty bump on the head and I'm just cleaning up this laceration on her knee but she'll be fine' she said as she finished putting on a bandage on Hope's right knee

Neal exhaled and looked over at Sara, both of them relieved.

'For head injuries, we suggest that you watch for vomiting and any change in behavior for the next 24 hours' the doctor was saying as she prepared to leave 'The nurse will give you written instructions on the way out'

'Honey, you scared us' Sara was saying as she hugged her daughter tightly against her

They walked out together, holding Hope's hand on either side, the child obviously happy to see both her parents together.

'Thanks Neal for making it over so quickly' Sara was saying as they stepped outside. It was a beautiful day and the sun was shining as she spoke.

Neal just smiled and looked down at their daughter.

'I'm going to come over and get you settled and make dinner, okay?' said Neal, looking into her eyes

'Yes!' screamed Hope

Neal turned his attention to his wife.

'I could stay the night... You shouldn't be alone with Hope – in case there's any problem. You need your sleep and I could make sure she's okay.' Suddenly Neal knew this was what he needed, hell, what he wanted to do.

Hope was smiling and Sara thought ahead to a long night of keeping an eye on Hope by herself. She was tired and she could use the help but she was unsure how she felt about being close to Neal – and sharing a bed with him. It was hard to be near him and not have him be the husband she knew and loved.

'Alright, thanks' she said finally looking into his deep blue eyes.

Neal made dinner for Hope and Sara. They munched on his world famous chicken fajitas and Hope ate voraciously having recovered her appetite and her smiling disposition despite her bump on the head. It was obvious that the child loved having her dad home and seeing him begin to relax made her feel calm and content. They laughed and talked about Hope's birthday party - it was now just two days away. She had invited a dozen or so friends from school and she was excited about having her parents together as well as sharing her special day with members of her extended family. Neal asked if he could put Hope to bed and Sara agreed, putting her feet up and relaxing which in fact, was just what the doctor had ordered.

'So how does your head feel?' Neal asked as he prepared Hope for bed

'Sore. I got a bump on the head like you, Daddy' said Hope, smiling

'Yes, you did' Neal said with a soft laugh 'and now, you need a good night's sleep and then we'll see if you're well enough to go to school, tomorrow'

'Daddy, are you going to sleep here tonight?' asked Hope

'Yeah, I'll be here in case you need me, okay, now stop stalling and go to sleep' said Neal, very dad-like

'I miss you, Daddy' she said, without hesitation

Neal looked into Hope's eyes – his eyes – and was momentarily lost for words.

'Hope, I miss you too and I love you so much. I know this is hard on you...' he continued as he spontaneously brought up his hand to squeeze her nose

'I love you too' said the child as she mirrored his gesture and Neal suddenly realized the meaning of what he had just done

He kissed her goodnight and promised he would be there for breakfast and Hope slipped under the covers and promptly went to sleep.

TBC


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

Neal came down the stairs with a smile on his face; whatever had just happened with Hope was like a light bulb coming on and he couldn't explain, nor did he care, about how things had come to him, so suddenly. He found Sara sitting on the couch in the family room, lightly dozing; she looked beautiful with her round belly and her content smile. It took everything he had not to take her in his arms and carry her up to bed and have his way with her. But Neal knew he had to tread lightly – he didn't want to do anything to upset her so he sat quietly by her side and took her hand, waking Sara who looked up and gently smiled at him.

'She's fine. She went right to sleep. I'll check on her in a little while' he said, looking into Sara's eyes

'Sara, weird stuff happened today.' Neal continued 'I suddenly remembered a whole bunch of stuff I didn't realize I knew'

'Like what?' Sara said, sitting up, suddenly very aware of what Neal was saying

'Not only did I remember – I mean _really_ remember – Hope's birthdate - and not just because you told me - but I also told the nurse we'd brought her in two years ago when she tumbled down the stairs and that she'd been to the hospital when she ran that high fever – remember when she had her two month vaccinations. And do I usually call Hope 'sweet pea' 'cause I've been calling her that and it felt right and just now, I tugged her nose and I suddenly realized what that means for Hope and me'

Sara gasped as he finished speaking.

'And it's all good but it's scary too' said Neal quietly as he began to realize the magnitude of the breakthrough. Allison had told him that memories often came back as a result of certain emotions; Hope's accident and his fear for her safety must have triggered this new flood of memories, he thought.

'That night, two years ago...' Sara began

'Yeah, the night of our anniversary... we were out to dinner at the Blue Fin and then that horrible call from Elizabeth telling us Hope had lost her footing on the stairs running after Satchmo. I don't think our feet touched the ground when we ran out of that place. Come to think of it, did I even pay the bill?'

Sara was laughing as she recalled that night. He was getting all the details right.

Neal was looking thoughtful and he became quiet 'I hate that it comes in pieces' he said

Sara looked at it him quizzically.

'It's not linear, you know. It's bits and pieces of memories – like a patchwork and I hate not remembering every little detail of every day we've ever had together'

'Neal, nobody remembers all the details. It's the feelings that count; the feelings you had doing certain things at certain times, that's what's important'

She was so wise, he thought and he was overcome with the love he felt for her, the love that had been steadily growing for the past few weeks but that he had been pushing away while he waited for some sort of an epiphany. He leaned in to kiss her and Sara was pulled in to the kiss, wanting him more than she ever had but frightened to want him all the same.

Their kiss deepened and Neal pulled away, looking into her eyes.

'You sure you're okay with this?' he asked as he brought his hand up to her face to pull her in once again

She nodded and leaned in to kiss him again as he abandoned himself to her, trusting the feelings that were leading him down this road.

'I love you, Sara. I don't want to hurt you' he whispered in her ear as his kiss lingered

'It's okay Neal, I'm ready' said Sara, obviously referring to her state of mind

'Good, but that's not what I meant. I don't want to hurt the baby' Neal said, smiling, with his lips still exploring her neck and the back of her ear

'I told you, you can't hurt the baby' she responded as they both began to grope at each other, more insistently. She remembered how afraid Neal had been to hurt her or the baby when she was pregnant the first time and she smiled, realizing he was still hung up on that fear.

They continued their slow exploration of each other, as Neal moved his hands up and down Sara's thigh, around her pregnant belly, up to her swollen breasts enjoying every inch of her and finally letting go of his insecurities and apprehensions. In that moment, he couldn't believe he had managed to hold back this long and the floodgates opened as he began to say her name, moaning and out of breath.

Sara melted under his touch – finally, she thought – she had yearned for this since he had come home, afraid to push him when he wasn't ready and now, his mouth and hands felt incredible on her body which was so ready to welcome him back, in every way.

Before long, they found themselves in bed as they began to make love tentatively, not wanting to disrupt the magic of the moment or the feeling that was drawing them so desperately together. Sara had missed him so much, his physical presence, his strong arms encircling her, keeping her and the baby safe. She melted in his touch and for the first time since the accident, her husband was back with her, holding her, loving her and she felt an immense sense of relief and euphoria.

Neal couldn't explain why this felt so right but he didn't care for analysis at the moment. His therapist had told him not to question his impulses; that his mind and memories would follow his emotions and he decided to trust in that as he continued to explore every inch of Sara's body, finally giving in to his impulses. He didn't remember making love to her pregnant and yet it all felt familiar and he instinctively knew what Sara wanted and needed as he moved against her. He could feel her trembling and he could tell by the way she was moaning that he was hitting all the right notes as he finally brought her to a climax, delighting in watching her come apart in his arms.

They slept blissfully, Neal waking once to go check on Hope. Returning to bed, Sara turned in her sleep and curled up in his arms and Neal lay there for a long time thinking just how right this felt, trying desperately not to overanalyse things yet fully aware that his actions would have consequences and that he needed to seriously think about the next steps that would bring him home for good.

WCWCWC

The place was really rocking – Sara and Elizabeth looked at each other and sighed as the noise and the enthusiasm of hundreds of young children washed over them. How had she and Neal been talked into letting Hope have her birthday party at this indoor playground, Sara couldn't remember... It was packed with children of all ages playing on the various structures, giggling, running, laughing and generally having a good time. The only ones looking haggard were the parents as they sat on the periphery of the play area watching the children have a good time – all the parents that is, except Neal. At the moment, he was sliding down a giant slide into a large vat of plastic balls as he held Hope on his lap, both of them giggling and screaming. Sara sat with Peter and Elizabeth who had agreed to lend a hand with supervising the brood and providing taxi service back to the Caffrey home for cake and ice cream.

Arriving home, they found Mozzie and June waiting for them. June had prepared things for their arrival as the dozen little boys and girls descended on Meadowbrook Street, slightly less hyper now that they had burned off energy. Neal got the kids settled around the kitchen table before joining the grownups in the living room as they chatted, enjoying Neal's red velvet cake and coffee.

'Well, they should be okay for a while' he said, taking his place next to his wife 'Hope is opening her presents'

Sara looked up at him 'Promise me we'll never do that again!' she said emphatically as she swung her legs up to place them on Neal's lap so he could rub her feet.

'What?' he said, shrugging 'That was lots of fun!'

'Maybe for you... tell me about it when you're seven months pregnant and your ankles are the size of bowling balls' answered Sara as everyone broke out laughing.

The revelers left at last and Neal was finally able to put Hope down to bed – she was high on sugar and on having had a fantastic birthday party. Neal and Sara sat in the family room with their feet up as they looked at the remnants of wrapping paper and piles of dishes on the kitchen counter. It had been a great day but they were both exhausted: Sara, because she was almost seven months pregnant and Neal because he had run around like a five-year-old all day. Neal had his arm wrapped around his wife's shoulder as he ran his hand languidly up and down her arm.

'How would you feel about me moving back in? Would that be okay?' he asked, as he gently rubbed her shoulder

'You're serious?' Sara asked as a smile spread to her lips

'Yeah, would it be okay?' Neal asked again

'What do _you_ think?' Sara asked as she pulled Neal's face to hers and planted a warm, lingering kiss on his lips

'I'll take that as a yes?' said Neal, teasingly

'Most definitely a yes, an emphatic yes' she responded as she stared into his eyes

'I'm sorry I've been such a fool' Neal said, looking away

'Neal, stop it, you haven't been a fool. You're recuperating from a major trauma and it's only been a few weeks. Your ribs haven't even completely healed, you've been dealing with that as well as all the uncertainty and confusion... '

'You know, I was so focussed on remembering every little thing... but when I started relaxing, a lot of things came back to me... Hey, I meant to ask you something – while I was at June's, I had a dream about you with short curly brown hair and we were having some _really_ hot sex. Did that happen or was that just some fantasy I dreamed up?'

'I'll be back in a minute' said Sara as she pulled herself away from Neal and stood up, unsteadily.

He could hear her struggling up the stairs and he sat up wondering what she was up to. Within a few minutes, Sara returned wearing her 'sexy wig', the one Janet had helped her choose when she had lost her hair to the chemo treatments.

Neal looked at her and his jaw dropped. 'That's it! That is some kind of hot look on you, baby' he said as he stood up to take Sara in his arms.

'That – is – so – damn – hot!' he said, punctuating each word with a kiss along her neck and behind her ear as he began to moan gently.

'You've always thought so. I used to wear it only in the bedroom but one night, we had Peter and Elizabeth over for dinner and I wore it just to tease you –' Sara said. She was enjoying his lips on her neck and she was beginning to feel weak in the knees as Neal held her up to keep her from melting to the floor.

'I knew it!' Neal said, emphatically 'You did that on purpose!'

'Oh no, busted! You remember that night?' Sara squealed as she pulled away to look into his eyes

'Yeah, I couldn't keep my eyes off you and I had a hell of a time keeping my hands off you. I ended up pulling you down in front of the Christmas tree and having my way with you, as I recall' Neal spoke as he returned to the important business of placing kisses all along her jaw line.

Neal was definitely getting in the zone and Sara laughed, heartily at the memory.

'As you can see, that damn thing still has that effect on me' Neal said, pulling his hips into Sara's – as much as he could with their son running interference. Neal grabbed Sara's buttocks, pulling her in as he continued down her neck. 'In deference to your present state, I won't pull you down to the floor but how about we move this party up to the bedroom' he asked, his breathing becoming rough

'You're on' said Sara

TBC


	19. Chapter 19

_Last chapter of this 'memorable' story. Hope you enjoyed it. Best wishes to everyone for the holiday season!_

**Chapter 19**

The last week in May rolled around and the weather was gorgeous. After the mild winter, spring had been early and there were already flowers blooming in the garden behind the house on Meadowbrook Street. Neal loved his garden and he took particular care to stage it in order to have something blooming all the way through - from May to late September. As it was a beautiful spring morning, he had brought out his easel and was working outside enjoying the crisp morning as he sipped his coffee and studied the photograph from which he was working. It was picture of Hope that Sara had taken at her birthday party; actually, it was a photograph of both he and Hope as they rolled around in the colored balls at the indoor playground they had visited and Neal was really struggling with getting his own features just right. He had never painted himself before and he took this as an opportunity to continue to evolve as an artist and develop new skills.

Sara was due any day now and she was feeling rather miserable. She wasn't sleeping well and she was having trouble getting up and down the stairs and just generally moving around. She was home now during the day and Hope was still in school for a few weeks until summer break, giving Sara time to rest and prepare for the baby's arrival. Neal's studio, which had been located in the third bedroom upstairs, had been moved to the finished basement making room for the baby and after a lengthy discussion with Hope, she had elected to remain in the smaller room she was occupying preferring to leave the larger one for her baby brother. Peter and Neal had recently moved all the baby furniture that had been stored in the basement up to the second floor and Neal had even painted a more modest version of his mural on one of the walls, creating a new keepsake for the family.

Two weeks before, Neal had returned to his job at Finch and Johns. Although he had been off since the accident, they had kept the position open for him and he had finally returned to the job he'd only had for a day before his terrible mishap. They had been very welcoming and Neal was enjoying the challenge of authenticating art and the pure pleasure of holding valued pieces in his hands without having to steal them to enjoy them.

Neal's memories had continued to return, slowly but regularly, sometimes little details, other times major recollections. Neal had stopped stressing about it which made the whole experience a lot more bearable. He had decided to accept the fact that he might not remember every single detail of every single memory and as time went on, he was thankful that, for each new day, he was creating new memories with Hope and Sara. Soon, he would be able to add the arrival of his little boy to his collection and he was eagerly looking forward to the blessed event.

He could hear Sara moving around in the house and he popped his head through the open patio door off the family room to see what she was up to.

'Neal!' she yelled, not realizing he had his head in the door

'Yes' he responded, quietly

'Oh, sorry. I didn't realize you were right there. I can't reach that _damn_ cup in the back' she said, struggling and impatient, as her huge belly got in the way of reaching into the back of the cupboard

Neal stepped into the kitchen, coming up behind her and snaking his arms around her stomach as he kissed her neck.

'Neal, stop it, I'm serious' she said unable to stifle a laugh as his kiss tickled her skin 'Didn't you get enough this morning?'

'I never get enough of you' he said, throatily as he ran his hands up and down her belly 'and besides I was just doing my part to induce labor, there was no pleasure involved whatsoever' he added as he lingered on her neck.

Sara turned to face him. 'How do you always manage to make me smile even when I'm miserable?' she asked, kissing him

Hope walked into the kitchen and looked at her parents, mid-kiss. 'Why don't you two get a room?' she said, in a 'know it all' tone. She seemed to have gone from five years old to teenager overnight.

'Okay, that's it, you're not spending any more time with Uncle Mozzie' said Neal as he turned to look at his daughter. 'Now, go get ready. I'm taking you over to your Uncle Peter's in five minutes'

Peter and Elizabeth had been having Hope over for Saturday sleepovers since she was a baby. It had begun as a chance for Sara and Neal to have some alone time but over the years, it had evolved into more of an opportunity for her godfather to spoil Hope by taking her out somewhere special just the two of them followed by her Aunt Elizabeth preparing one of Hope's favorite meals (usually mac and cheese) and letting her stay up late to watch a movie complete with popcorn and candy.

Hope reappeared a few minutes later, lugging her backpack and tapping her foot impatiently as she waited for Neal to finish getting ready.

'So, what are you and Uncle Peter doing today?' asked Sara as she sat sipping her coffee

'We're going to the library and then he's taking me out for lunch' said Hope, reverting back to her five-year-old self

'Wow – lunch, just the two of you. Nice' said Sara as she put her arms out to hug Hope goodbye

Hope strolled over slowly, dragging her feet and rolling her eyes – it wasn't so cool to hug your mom when you were five

'Mommy, your stomach is even bigger that it was yesterday' she said as she tried to get her arms all the way around her mom's neck

'I know, it's hard to believe, isn't it?' said Sara, reluctantly agreeing

'Well, don't have my brother while I'm gone' said Hope, frowning

'No guarantees, sweetie. The sooner the better as far as I'm concerned. Are you excited about seeing your baby brother?' asked Sara as she held Hope close

'Yeah, but I still think we should call him Donatello' said Hope, giving it one more shot. He was her favorite Ninja Turtle because she loved anything purple

'Or maybe, Raphael' said Neal who had snuck into the kitchen undetected

Sara gave her husband a major eye roll as she gave Hope a kiss on the forehead sending her off.

Contractions began shortly thereafter. They were far apart and as second time parents, Neal and Sara were a little more relaxed than the first time. They spent the rest of the afternoon on the deck with Neal painting and Sara admiring both his work and her husband's silhouette as he painted. Neal always wore a sleeveless t-shirt when he worked and Sara loved admiring his arms and shoulders, the way he held himself as he concentrated and moved around his piece of art.

Sara had brought along a notepad and began jotting down the duration and frequency of her contractions and Neal would stop each time and sit with her, holding her hand or rubbing her belly. By early evening, nothing much had changed and the couple sat curled up on the couch watching a movie and talking once again about baby names.

'I think we should just wait until we see his little face' Sara was saying. 'With Hope, we knew the minute we saw her'

'Yeah, but we already had the name Hope on a short list by then' argued Neal. 'C'mon, so far we've got Aidan, Liam, Colton and Jacob'

'Take Colton off' said Sara 'Colton Caffrey – really?'

Neal suddenly turned serious. 'Can you believe it – this is really our miracle baby! The odds were stacked against us and somehow, here we are. Whatever his name is, he's going to be an amazing little guy' he said touching Sara's face

Sara nodded. 'Hey, did you ask Mozzie, yet?' she asked

'No, I don't want to freak him out. I knew June would be thrilled, but I'm just not sure how Mozzie will react' said Neal

'Well, you're running out of time, Caffrey. The baby could be here by morning at this rate' said Sara, struggling to get more comfortable

'I never thought you'd be the one to suggest asking Moz to be godfather to our son' said Neal, smiling at his wife 'You two sure have come a long way'

'Mozzie and I have an understanding...' said Sara, letting her voice trail

By bedtime, there was still no significant progress so they headed upstairs, wondering if they would be waking in their bed when the sun came up. They needn't have wondered.

'What – the – heck?!' Neal was saying as he turned in the bed feeling wetness on the sheets

'Oops' said Sara 'My water just broke'

'You okay?' asked Neal as he realized what had happened. He had been at work when Sara's water broke for Hope's birth so this was a first for him.

'I'll call Dr. Cooper's service. Can you get changed okay by yourself?' Neal asked as he helped Sara off the bed

'Yeah' said Sara, taking a deep breath. She knew what was ahead over the next few hours and she wasn't looking forward to labor. If her first delivery was any indication, she was about to turn into a screaming, insensitive banshee and she sighed thinking about what her husband was going to have to endure before their son arrived.

They had to drive all the way to Lenox Hill in Manhattan since that was where Dr. Cooper had hospital privileges and they arrived shortly after midnight, Sara in the middle of a major contraction as Neal stepped up to the admissions desk. This time, they weren't as lucky and neither of the birthing rooms was available so Sara had to settle for a regular hospital room. By the time Dr. Cooper made an appearance, Sara was already dilated by 5 centimeters which was welcome news for the young couple.

'So, how are you two, or should I say you three?' asked Dr. Cooper, patting Sara on the arm and smiling at Neal

'Ready to give this a whirl' said Sara, breathing heavily

'Well, you're already half way there. How's the pain?' she asked

'Not nearly as bad as last time' answered Sara

'Well it does help when you begin to dilate so quickly. Anyway, I'll be back in another hour. Don't be a hero, Sara; if it becomes unbearable, take the epidural'

'I learned my lesson last time' she answered to Neal's relief

He sat with her on the bed and talked her through her contractions, giving her small sips of juice and keeping her spirits up. They began to reminisce about Hope's birth and the many hours of labor Sara had had to endure.

'Neal, I think you should go get the doctor, I feel like I need to push' said Sara suddenly, following a particularly intense contraction

'Whoa, whoa, wait Sara, I'll be right back' said Neal, alarmed. Dr. Cooper returned within minutes and sure enough, Sara was fully dilated and less than two hours after arriving at the hospital and with Neal holding her hand, she delivered their baby boy at 2:18 on a Sunday morning in May.

The phone rang at the Burke house at 8:00 a.m. and Hope, who liked answering the phone, was the first to pick up.

'Burke residence' she said, exactly how she'd been taught

'Well good morning, I'm looking for Miss Hope Caffrey' said Neal, playing along

'This is Hope Caffrey' she said

'I'm calling to tell you that you are officially a big sister!' he announced, his voice booming

Hope shrieked and dropped the phone running into the kitchen where Elizabeth and Peter sat having their morning coffee.

'My baby brother is here! My baby brother is here!' she exclaimed as she ran around the kitchen, followed by Satchmo, wagging his tail

The extended family congregated in room 204 of Lenox Hill Hospital on Sunday afternoon to meet the new arrival and congratulate his parents. He was a beautiful baby, smaller than his sister had been with very light, reddish hair and blue eyes. He gazed up at his mom, as she breastfed him while his dad stood by, regaling everyone with the tale of his birth, how quick and painless it had been and how he was already the perfect baby, having slept four hours in a row following his morning feeding.

Liam Theodore Caffrey was passed around to his Grandma June, his Aunt Elizabeth, his Uncle Peter and his godfather, Uncle Mozzie, who had reacted most favorably and unexpectedly to the parents' special request.

Hope sat in a chair with a pillow under her arm, cradling her baby brother and whispering softly 'I love you, Donatello'

This was a day, Neal thought, that he would never forget.

La fin


End file.
